The Right Thing
by EGB Fan
Summary: Still unhappy with his daughter's choice of boyfriend, Peter accompanies Roland to New Jersey in order to meet with an old antagonist who might now be able to help. Following on from previous stories.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** _Ghostbusters_ and _Extreme Ghostbusters_ © Dan Aykroyd, Harold Ramis and Fil Barlow. All original characters that appear in this story are creations of the author.

**Content warning:** A lot of swearing, by one character in particular.

_Extreme Ghostbusters: _**The Right Thing**

Part 1

**Sunday, April 13****th**** 2008**

**New Jersey**

Roland Jackson felt uncomfortable. He was in a seaside café; his boss was watching his back through the window, and his - what to call her? - breakfast companion, Celine Beck, was watching him over her cappuccino. Neither of them had said anything for the better part of five minutes. Then, finally, Celine spoke.

"What's the best thing that could happen to you?"

"What?" said Roland.

"You heard."

"Oh, well…" He had to be honest. This was not a woman he wanted to upset. "Kids."

She raised her eyebrows. "Kids? Really? Never mind who with?"

"No, no…"

"Okay," said Celine, "so if I took you back to my apartment right now, and asked you to impregnate me, you wouldn't do it?"

Roland stared at her across the table.

She smiled. "Don't worry, I won't."

"Celine…"

"Yeah, I know, you want me to tell you about Oz." She looked over his shoulder, to where Peter Venkman was sitting outside, and her enigmatic smile fell into a very readable frown. "Why is he looking at me like that?"

"Because he wants this information more than I do."

"Fathers are just the _worst_ invention ever." Then suddenly her eyes snapped back to Roland, her smile returned and she said, "Well, not all of them. Not you."

"I'm not a father."

"Actually I think I might be ovulating."

Roland started choking on his baguette. "Celine, _please_!"

"Aww, you're so funny."

"Celine, I came all the way down here…"

"All right, all right." She put down her coffee, leaned back in her chair and spent a long time looking at him some more. Then at last, she went on talking. "I told you over the phone that I had to explain a few things to you about Oz, didn't I? I want you to understand why he… Look, there was no malice intended, Roland. He just… doesn't have much in the way of a conscience."

"What did he do?" Roland asked sharply.

"Wait. Listen. Oz is my friend. If you get to know him, it's possible to penetrate his emotions - I really believe that. Deep down, he's a nice guy. But if he doesn't know you and like you, he just doesn't care. If he did something to hurt a total stranger, it just wouldn't register - and that's not his fault."

"Why on earth not?"

"Just shut up and fucking _listen_, Roland! He told me about his upbringing, and it sounds kinda shitty. His mother died giving birth to him, and his father was this sick twisted evil sadistic insane warlock. _He_ taught Oz magic. But Oz isn't evil. I mean, he returned that doll to Fuck Face and Miss Wet Dream's brats - that was nice of him, wasn't it?"

"If this is all true…" said Roland.

"Of course it's fucking true!"

"If this is all true, it sounds to me like he's crazy."

"He _is_ crazy. And when people are crazy it's not their fault, is it?"

"Celine," said Roland, "I came here for information on my boss's daughter's boyfriend, and you're telling me he's unhinged. What would you like me to say?"

"I want you to promise me that you won't go in all guns blazing. The guy's emotionally dead, more or less, and he can't help it. Can you understand that?"

"No," said Roland, "I can't."

"Then I'm not telling you," said Celine.

"O, look… is it _that_ bad?"

"_You__'__ll_ think it is. Look… your boss out there already knows Oz used his daughter's old doll to try and learn stuff about her, right? That's the worst thing he did to this girl. But there's a couple of people who got caught up in that."

"Who?"

"Can't you guess?"

Roland thought for a moment. Then suddenly it struck him, and he said despairingly, "Oh, God. Is it something to do with what you and Wanda did to Ky and Eddie?"

Celine scowled. "We never did anything to _her_."

"You threatened her marriage."

"Yeah, well… that wasn't _my_ idea. _I _thought it was about Bess - I didn't know Wanda was just trying to get him out of the picture so she could fuck his - "

"Celine, why _do_ you swear so much? Is it really necessary?"

"You'll make an infuriating father someday," said Celine. "Oh, fuck it, all right - I decided to do the right thing, so I might as well stick to it. Oz knew what we were doing to that piece of shit you call a friend. When we moved into his house we asked if it was okay if we did magic in our room, and when he asked us what _kind_ of magic, Wanda told him. She told him all the horrible things she wanted to do, and he never even batted an eye. All the time he was pursuing that girl, for whatever reason… he knew."

Roland knew all the history. His friend, Eduardo Rivera, had got his girlfriend pregnant ten years ago and then broken up with her before either of them knew about it. She had then had an abortion, and even though he saw her nine years after that and learned she had been pregnant, he was unsure whether the baby was his until a demon killed her as a direct result of her keeping such a big secret.

That girlfriend happened to be Bess Napier, the best friend of Wanda Kazinsky. Celine had been travelling at the time, and not as close to either Wanda or Celine as she had been at college, but she had gone running back to Wanda after she learnt of Bess's death. The two old friends had then started sleeping together, even though Wanda was desperately in lust with Kylie Griffin, whom Eduardo happened to have had two daughters with and married in the intervening years. If it hadn't been for that, just maybe he would have been safe from Wanda - but as it was, she and Celine had dished out a pretty decent amount of revenge for what had happened to Bess.

"Is that it?" asked Roland, in response to Celine's revelation about Oz.

Oz was another complication. He was an eighteen-year-old warlock who had been seeing Peter Venkman's fifteen-year-old daughter, Jessica. Somehow he owned a house, and had been landlord to Celine and Wanda for a while. He was generally a very suspicious character, and by this time Peter was desperate to know what he was up to.

"No," said Celine. "Did he tell you where he got the doll?"

The doll was yet another piece of this complicated puzzle, and it was a part that no one fully understood. It was a horrible, old, brown-haired, Barbie-sized thing called Sindy. It had originally been a gift to Jessica, from her mother's ex-husband's second wife, but she had donated all of her dolls to Eduardo and Kylie's daughters as soon as she could.

"He said Wanda stole it from the Riveras and gave it to him," said Roland.

"That's right, she did. But you know Wanda - she doesn't _do_ little acts of kindness. She had a price. Now, I _know_ you know we had that earring, because you saw it."

The earring. That was Eduardo's. "You mean Oz… _sold_ Eduardo to you?"

"It wasn't anything against _him_," said Celine. "Not on Oz's part. I know it's bad that he was prepared to let us do horrible things to a guy he didn't know or care about, but… well, I've told you about that."

"And that's the worst thing he did?" asked Roland. "Giving you the earring?"

"Yeah. Isn't that bad enough for you?"

"Of course, it's terrible. But there's no point getting mad about it here. It sounds like you weren't even involved in the deal. But isn't there anything else you can tell me? _He_" - he gestured towards Peter again - "wants to know how his daughter fits into all of this."

"I honestly don't know," said Celine. "Why do _you_ think Oz might be interested in her?"

"Sex," Roland said at once.

She smiled wryly. "That's not it."

"What? How do you know?"

"He has no sex drive."

"Oh Celine, come on!"

"It's true," she said, looking suddenly amused by the whole thing. "He was always honest with me. He _can_ be dishonest, in that he conceals things… just doesn't bother telling you stuff… but I've never known him to tell an outright lie."

"But this is terrible!" said Roland. "What _does_ he want with her, if it's not that?"

"Well, I'd ask him for you," said Celine, "but I don't think he'll tell me now. He knows I was thinking of telling you about the earring, so he won't give me anything else."

"Did you _tell_ him that?"

"Of course I did. I told you - we're honest with each other."

"That's insane. You want to stay friends with him, but you're betraying him."

"Haven't you been fucking listening?" Celine said, scowling at him. "Oz doesn't work like that. He doesn't care about you people, or what you think, _or_ if you know about what he's done. But I think he cares about me, and the strain on my conscience."

"Let me ask you something," said Roland. "_Why_ is it such a strain on your conscience? Not because of Eduardo - you obviously still hate him."

"Duh." She rolled her eyes. "Because of _you_."

"Celine, this really doesn't have anything to do with me."

"Except he's your friend. I wasn't just keeping this stuff from him and Kylie and that guy, your boss - I was keeping it from _you_."

"I wish you'd try to forgive him. It wasn't _all_ his fault, you know… what happened."

"I know that."

Roland raised his eyebrows. "You do?"

Celine sighed heavily. "Look… it's complicated, okay?"

"Okay, fine. Whatever you think about Eduardo, it's between you and him. But if you really can see he's not entirely to blame… maybe you could even forgive him."

"Yeah? What if I did?" She dropped her eyes, and fixed him with a coquettish smile.

"Celine, come on - you can't bargain with feelings." Roland was surprised to find that he was smiling a little too. He knew she wasn't being serious.

"Yeah, you're right. _I'll love you if you forgive_. Doesn't work like that, does it?"

"No," said Roland. "You have to _want_ to forgive him."

.-.-.-.

**New York City**

One person who was not involved in the whole Oz/Jessica/Celine/Rivera fiasco was Garrett Miller. He was spending his Sunday working overtime at the firehouse, as he needed a bit of extra money to pay for some organised sports activities for his son when the summer months came around. Garrett and his wife Jo had adopted Max when he was two, now almost two years ago, and had quickly learnt that if they didn't send him _somewhere_ to do _something_ during school holidays, they might die of exhaustion.

Garrett was on his own at the reception desk, sorting through some filing that nobody else wanted to do. Two of his bosses, Egon Spengler and Ray Stantz, were upstairs at that very moment doing something that _had_ to be more interesting than filing. But Garrett kept himself going by thinking of all the hours of rest he was going to get in the summer, while Max ran some poor inexperienced kids' sports coach ragged.

Then suddenly Dana Venkman showed up, asking anxiously, "Is Jessica here?"

"She was here a couple of hours ago," said Garrett, thankful at least that Max was never going to be a teenage girl.

"She's _supposed_ to be grounded."

"Oh. Well, to be honest with you, Dana, I think she just needed to blow off some steam."

"Why?" said Dana. "Where is she now?"

"She's blowing off some steam."

"What do you -?"

But she didn't need to go on. The front door flew open and Max Miller bounded into the room like a puppy on speed, and some distance behind him was Jessica, staggering like a zombie and carrying about six different types of ball.

"Hey," Garrett said brightly. "Did you have a good time?"

"He's trying to kill me," said Jessica, collapsing into the nearest chair. Moments later Slimer, the Ghostbusters' pet ghost, appeared as if from nowhere and made a beeline for Jessica. But she ducked out of his way, and said, "Try it and see what happens."

"I'm hungry," said Max, much to Slimer's delight.

"Me too," said Jessica. "Why don't you run upstairs and get us a snack?"

Max turned and ran, just as he had been instructed, and was out of sight in seconds with Slimer following close behind him.

"_You're_ supposed to be grounded," said Dana.

"God, Mom, you're so fickle," said Jessica. "When you thought I might be about to get eaten by a giant cat demon, you were all like, _I'm sorry I'm such an old grouch - let's sit down and talk it out._ And now I'm grounded again."

"That's because you missed your curfew last night."

"I was only with Ant and Josh and everyone."

"Well…" This seemed to stagger her. "How was I supposed to know _that_? Normally when you miss your curfew it's because you're with that boy - excuse me - that _man_."

"Who, Oz?" Jessica wrinkled her nose. "Mom, I dumped him yesterday."

"What? Why didn't you tell me?"

"Didn't I?"

Soon after that Max returned carrying a jar that was almost as big as he was, and filled with chocolate chip cookies. Bits of him were dripping with green slime, but Slimer was no longer with him; he had probably lost a fight over the cookies, and then decided to stay in the kitchen where he could have his pick.

"Good one, Max!" said Jessica, beckoning him over.

Max waited while she took what she wanted from the cookie jar, and then he offered it to Dana, asking sweetly, "Do you wanna cookie, Dana?"

"No thank you, honey. Why did you dump him?"

"Tchuh," said Jessica, spraying cookie crumbs. "Not because _you_ wanted me to."

"So why sneak out this morning," said Dana, "if it's not to see Oz?"

"Mom, come on, credit me with some self-respect," said Jessica. "We don't _all_ spend our lives running around after guys. I sneaked out because don't you think it's a bad idea, you and me cooped up in the house all alone together? Ow!"

She was cut off when a basketball suddenly hit her in the face.

"Sorry!" said Max, not sounding sorry at all. "Let's play basketball."

"Max, please, I'm dying here," said Jessica. "Where's Slimer gotten to? Can't you two just, like, chase each other around for a while?"

"Or we could play soccer." He knew she liked soccer - she played it at school.

"I bet you can't run all the way up to the roof and back before I count to a hundred."

"I bet I can!"

"Yeah, we'll see. One… two…"

Max turned and ran as though his life depended on it. It was a three-storey firehouse; if _this_ didn't tire him out, there had to be something wrong with him.

"How come," said Jessica, "you have to know where I am every minute of the day, but _I'm_ not allowed to know where Dad's disappeared to?"

"Because you're fifteen," said Dana, "and he's a grown man."

"I don't know what you think I'm going to _do_."

"I do," muttered Garrett.

"I'm worried you're going to get yourself raped, or murdered, or _both_," said Dana.

"You never worried about Oscar getting raped and murdered."

"Yes I did."

"You always let Oscar do whatever the hell he wanted."

"No I didn't!"

Jessica probably could have argued all day, but she was interrupted by her cell phone announcing an incoming text message. She took the phone out of her pocket, looked at the display screen and made a face.

"Who's that?" Dana asked sharply.

"None of your business," said Jessica. "Oh, Max, jeez, you know what? I lost count, you're gonna have to do it again."

Max didn't mind at all. He turned right round and set off again, not showing even the smallest sign of tiring.

"Yeah, well, maybe I'll just confiscate your cell phone," said Dana.

Jessica's expression darkened immediately. "If you confiscate my cell phone, I'll have sex with Cameron!"

"If you have sex with Cameron, I'll send you to live with your grandparents."

This was getting too much for Garrett. He made an unsubtle coughing noise, and Dana and Jessica both looked at him awkwardly.

"_I_ have an idea," said Garrett. "Why doesn't Dana go home, and Jess can stay here and keep Max busy."

"_You're_ trying to kill me too!" said Jessica.

Moments later Max came pelting down the stairs again, and looked expectantly at Jessica.

"I got to a hundred ages ago," she said.

"No way!" said Max. "You must have counted wrong!"

"I don't think so."

"Let's do it again."

"Okay."

This time Jessica kept on counting, as Dana decided to leave and therefore was no longer around to argue with. Max returned when Jessica was somewhere in the fifties, which surprised her a great deal. Then he wanted her to kick a ball around with him.

"We've been doing that all morning," said Jessica. "Don't you ever just sit on your ass and watch TV like a normal kid?"

"Max," said Garrett, "could you run upstairs and give this message to Ray?" and he handed Max a Post-It that said, _"Please keep Max busy for half an hour."_

"I am _so_ never having kids," Jessica said wearily. "When they're his age they make you play basketball with them until you die, and when they get to _my_ age you just argue with them the whole time. Besides, it turns you into your mother. If I _ever_ end up like her…"

"So who _was_ that text message from?" asked Garrett.

"Oz."

"Ah."

"I think he wants me back."

"Already, huh?"

"He's got that person who's in love with you living with him now, hasn't he?"

"Er, yeah," said Garrett.

"Why don't you give her Max to look after? I bet she would, if she loves you so much."

"Oh, I don't think so - I think she sort of resents him."

"That's terrible. What a bitch. Max is a great kid, and it's not _his_ fault you're married."

"Mmm, I know."

"Hey," said Jessica, "do _you_ know where my dad is? I'm sure it's got something to do with me, because otherwise why would they be so secretive?"

"I think they should tell you where he's gone," said Garrett. "But _I _can't - sorry."

"So why don't they? Is it something that's going to make me angry?"

"Jessica, it seems to me that _everything_ makes you angry these days. Look, you're sitting there nursing that cell phone - why don't you call him?"

.-.-.-.

**New Jersey**

After they had settled the bill and Celine had left, Roland went to join Peter outside the café. It was a nice day for it, and the view of the beach was very pleasant. It was a shame that the same could not be said for the subject matter of their impending conversation.

Peter began it by asking, "Does she have the hots for you or something?"

"Oh," said Roland. "Was it obvious?"

"I thought she was a lesbian."

"Why did you think she was a lesbian? We never told you about… Why did you think she was a lesbian?"

"Because," said Peter, "she _looks_ like a lesbian."

Roland's raised eyebrows dropped into a scowl. "Why? Because she has short hair which she happens to dye purple, and more than one ring in each ear?"

"Well, yeah."

"You shouldn't think in stereotypes, Dr. Venkman."

"And she doesn't look like _your_ type either."

"Oh?" said Roland. "And my type is…?"

"Well… Grace. Look," Peter said hastily, not used to offending his most mild-mannered employee, "let's talk about Oz. What did you find out? I still don't get why she made me wait for you out - "

"Look, don't get too excited. What she told me, I couldn't relate to Jessica's relationship with Oz _at all_. But she _did_ tell me something Jess should probably know about," and Roland proceeded to tell Peter what he had learnt. He had to fill in a few background details as well; Peter did not know the full story.

"Wow," said Peter. "And there was I thinking that being chained to a wall by a couple of lesbians was a _good_ thing."

"I didn't say they were - "

"So what do we do - do we tell Eddie?"

"Well," said Roland, "I think we probably should. He has a right to know."

"Yeah, but then what will he do with it? Go over to Oz's place and punch him in the face? Sounds like Oz could really make him regret that."

"Yeah, well… I don't know. But we have to tell him. Oz lends books to his little girl."

Peter's cell phone started ringing. He pulled it out of his pocket, saying, "I hope that's our lawyer." The Ghostbusters were currently being sued by a recently widowed woman named Mrs. Green. "I know it's a Sunday, but he said - oh shit, it's Jess! What do I do?"

"Answer it," said Roland.

"Oh, yeah, right." Peter answered the phone, and said brightly, "Hi, honey."

"Dad, where _are_ you?" said Jessica.

"New Jersey."

"Okay, why?"

"Actually I'm about to come home," said Peter. "And then I'll tell you. I've, um… found something out about Oz."

"You went to New Jersey first thing in the morning to dig up dirt about Oz?" she inferred. "Well, you'll have to tell me how _that_ works - but FYI, Dad, I dumped him yesterday."

"You did?"

"Yeah."

"Oh, well… you'll probably wanna hear this anyway. I'll see you later, honey. Of course," he said, as he hung up, "the problem with Grace is that she has a daughter."

"Natalie's a great kid," said Roland.

"_Now_ she is," said Peter. "She's… how old?"

"Eight."

"There you go. When Jess was eight, all she wanted to do was kick a ball around - it was great. But just you wait until Natalie's a teenager."

"Not all teenage girls are the same, Dr. Venkman," said Roland. "Just like not all lesbians are the same."

"You wanna bet?" said Peter. "If I were you, my friend, I'd seriously consider dumping Grace and Natalie, getting with the sexed up lesbian and trying to only have boys."

.-.-.-.

**New York City**

Kylie Griffin was in her apartment, reading her two daughters a sentimentally charged Victorian children's story about little girls so spirited and independent that they aspired to work for their living before they got married. The older daughter, Conchita, was listening with undisguised enjoyment while the younger, Rose, sat impassively taking it all in. She didn't offer an opinion, but Kylie knew that she must be enjoying the story, or she wouldn't be listening to it.

The phone rang. Eduardo Rivera appeared in order to answer it, said a few words and then disappeared into the kitchen, still holding the phone. Kylie kept one eye on the book and one on the doorway until he reappeared there, and beckoned her in.

"Chita, can you take over a minute?" said Kylie, handing Conchita the book.

"Of course I can," she said confidently, so Kylie went through to the small kitchen.

"That was Roland," Eduardo told her.

"Right," said Kylie. "And…?"

"He just told me something."

Kylie waited. She was about to prompt him, but then he went on speaking.

"He and Peter went to see Celine."

"They went to see _Celine_?" said Kylie, her eyes widening. The last time she had seen Celine was in Oz Ignacio's basement, where Wanda had manacled Eduardo to the wall and Celine had happened to stumble across the situation. Kylie knew at the back of her mind that Celine hadn't been involved in that particular part of their revenge, and had even saved Eduardo from losing a very important body part, if not his life. But, with everything else Celine had done with Wanda, it was easy to forget that.

"To find out what she knows about Oz," said Eduardo. "You know, so Peter can give Jess a reason to dump him."

"And…?"

It was very slow, but eventually Eduardo was able to tell her the important part: Oz had absconded with his earring on the evening they met at the firehouse, and given it to Celine and Wanda in exchange for Jessica's old doll.

"I'm gonna kill him," said Kylie, heading for the door with only her anger and her hundred and ten-pound frame as weapons.

"Don't," said Eduardo, holding onto her elbow.

"Give me one good reason why not!"

"He's a warlock, Kylie, and he's obviously evil. What do you think he'll _do_ to you?"

Kylie stopped, and then turned back to face him. "So what are _you_ gonna do?"

"Oh God, I don't know. I know what I'd _like_ to do."

"Yeah, me too."

"Well," said Eduardo, glancing through the doorway at Conchita and Rose, "he can have his books back, for a start."

"Oh, hey, wait," said Kylie, taking her turn to do some elbow-grabbing as he made a beeline for the two children. "They're right in the middle of reading that one."

"I'll get them another copy on the way home. I just… I can't stand them sitting there with their hands all over his stuff! Oh, God - he could be using it for something."

"Something like what?"

"Like what he used Jess's doll for - only, you know, by giving _them_ something of _his_."

"Why would he want to -?"

"Because there's obviously something wrong with him! I mean, hell, he _likes_ Chita - have you seen the way he talks to - I have to take that book off them."

He went, and Kylie stayed in the kitchen feeling a little sick. She knew that Conchita would hand over the book without question, trusting that her father had a good reason, but Rose was going to demand an explanation - and sure enough, Kylie soon heard her voicing her disapproval.

But Eduardo took the book, gathered up the other three that Oz had lent them, and then rejoined Kylie in the kitchen.

"I should have asked him for the rest," he said.

"Asked who for the rest of what?"

"Roland, for the rest of what she told him. That… that can't be all."

"Why not? They wanted the earring and he wanted the doll."

"He knew what they wanted to do with it."

"Well," Kylie said helplessly, "maybe we should just sit tight until Roland gets back, and then find out what else he has to say."

Eduardo shook his head firmly. "I just really need to get these books out of here."

He steadied his grip on the four paperbacks and then made for the living room doorway, where suddenly Conchita was blocking his path.

"What's going on?" she asked.

Eduardo didn't answer for a moment. Then he said, "We just found out Oz is evil."

Conchita looked scandalised. "No he isn't!"

"Yes he is. And so are his books. I'm taking them back to him, and you're not going to borrow any more, _ever_, and you are _never_ going to see him or talk to him again. Okay?"

"No!" said Conchita. "I mean… why not? What's he done?"

"It's complicated," Eduardo said wearily. Then he stooped and kissed her forehead, which he had done many times before, but this time she felt a horrible sense of doom about it - almost as though he was scared of something happening to her, or to him.

Her feeling of dread only worsened when Eduardo began to walk off, stopping only briefly when Kylie called after him, "Don't do anything stupid!"

"Mom!" Conchita said desperately. "What is going _on_?"

Kylie shook her head despairingly, and said, "I'm not sure yet, honey."

.-.-.-.

Eduardo would later describe his experiences at Oz's house as "really weird", when he went home and Kylie started grilling him about it. He didn't know what he had expected to happen, but it certainly wasn't what _did_ happen. First Stephie - or Persephonethius, a former client of the Ghostbusters who had fallen in love with Garrett ten and a half years earlier - answered the door to him, which threw him a little bit. He had expected Oz.

"Oh - hi, Eduardo," she said dully. "How are you?"

"Um, okay," Eduardo replied, because that was the answer one is supposed to give when another person casually asks that question. However, Stephie apparently did not know this, and Eduardo was short-sighted enough to ask, "How are you?"

"Terrible," said Stephie. "I suppose Garrett's moved his wife and son back into his apartment, hasn't he?"

Until only the day before, Stephie had been living with Garrett, and she had driven his wife Jo so crazy that she'd taken Max and their dog and gone to stay with her parents.

"Yeah," said Eduardo.

"This is horrible! Have you ever been in love with someone who didn't love you back?"

"Um…"

"Well, there was Kylie, wasn't there? But you're together now - that's encouraging. It means Garrett and I can probably get there too."

"Stephie, I don't think - "

"I just… I _wish_ he'd stop loving her! So anyway, what's with the books?"

"Huh?" Eduardo looked down at the paperbacks in his hands. He had almost forgotten they were there. "Oh. These belong to Oz."

"And you're returning them, right, I see. You'd better come in. He's in the kitchen. We've been sitting in there, trying to comfort one another in our heartbreak and misery."

Eduardo had only to remember what Oz had done in order to resume being mad at him, after being distracted by Stephie's ramblings, but he had no idea what he was going to do about it. He would have liked to hit him, but he thought that would be very unwise.

Oz was not at all as Eduardo had expected to find him. He was sitting catatonically at the table, staring at a cell phone directly in front of him. Stephie opened her mouth to announce the visitor, but then suddenly Oz sat back in his chair and said, "This is ridiculous! If I get a text message, the phone will beep. Staring at it isn't going to help."

"Oz, you're supposed to be acting this way," said Stephie. "You're heartbroken."

Oz turned his head sharply and scowled at her. "I am _not_ heartbroken. Oh." He noticed Eduardo, and his expression changed to his usual polite indifference. "Hello."

"I brought your books back," said Eduardo, wishing he knew what else to say.

"Finished already?"

He dumped the books on the table. "No."

"Eduardo, tell me something. What can I do to make Jessica want to come back to me?"

"Nothing," Eduardo said at once. "Look… it all fits together now. I know what you did, and if Jess hasn't found out by tomorrow, she soon will."

Oz stared at him blankly. "What did I do?"

Eduardo could hardly believe it. "You sold me to Wanda and Celine!"

"Oh, that." He returned his gaze to his cell phone. "Damn." He picked the phone up, dialled and waited. Then finally he said, "Jessica, if you haven't already, you're going to find out about something I did that you probably won't like. I would very much like to talk to you about it. Please call me back." Then he hung up, and was silent.

"Is that it?" Eduardo said incredulously. "Aren't you sorry?"

"Not particularly," said Oz.

"You really _are_ crazy, aren't you?"

"So I'm told."

"Look," said Eduardo, "please don't call her again. Just stay away from her, and stay away from me, and stay away from my family. No more books, okay?"

"No more books?" Oz stared at him, and the look in his eyes showed that Eduardo's words finally seemed to have struck a chord. "Your little girl loves the books I lend her."

"If you go near her again, I'll - "

"There is nothing you can do to me. Any of you."

"I mean it. Stay away from her."

"And how does _she_ feel about that?"

"She'll be fine with it," said Eduardo, "once I tell her you were responsible for that brief period when her parents' marriage was in danger."

"Well," said Oz, "that's hardly fair. Wanda and Celine did all the donkey work. I guess Celine betrayed me, then. Oh well, I don't suppose I can really blame her for that. What am _I_ to her, compared to him? People will do anything for love, won't they?"

"Love?" said Eduardo.

"I'll stay away from Conchita," said Oz, "if you can really make her stop liking me."

"What the hell is your interest in her, anyway?"

"I'm not interested in her. I _like_ her. She is the most unobjectionable child I have ever met. She's a real-life metaphor for goodness and innocence. I am _interested_," he said, looking once again at his cell phone, "in Jessica."

By this time, Eduardo had lost all desire to punch Oz's lights out. He was now more worried about this lunatic "liking" his precious daughter than he was about something that had been over and done with for months. And he was also concerned for Jessica.

"I gotta go," said Eduardo.

"Come round any time," said Oz, "if you change your mind about the books."

Eduardo left, and called Peter's cell phone as soon as he was out of the door. While he was waiting for an answer, it occurred to him that he should probably be freaked out by returning to this house; it was, after all, the very house in which Wanda had chained him to the wall and threatened to torture and kill him. But he had only really seen the basement back then, and the rest of it looked very different in the daylight.

"Are you at home?" asked Eduardo, once Peter had answered his phone.

"I'm still on my way back with Roland," said Peter. "We're almost there."

"So I guess he told you about all that stuff with, with me and… everything."

"Er, yeah, sorry."

"Never mind," said Eduardo, though he was annoyed, because he had wanted to keep his own business his own business, and had been deliberately avoiding telling his bosses about all that. "Look, you need to talk to your daughter. Oz has been trying to call her."

"Well," said Peter, "she dumped him."

"I know. But that doesn't mean she won't talk to him, and she's gonna be curious as hell about why he did that whole thing with my earring. If I were you, I'd try to find some subtle way of warning her off seeing him."

"Yeah, well, maybe," Peter said churlishly. Of course, Eduardo realised, no one liked being told how to handle their own children. "Thanks for the heads-up."

.-.-.-.

Jessica was reading a magazine on the couch when Peter came home, and she didn't even look up. He quite wanted to sit with her, but somehow she was all arms and legs and they were spread over every available bit of space, so he went to the nearest armchair and said, "Honey, you're going to have to listen to me."

"I dumped him, remember?" she said.

"Yeah," said Peter, wondering if he really did need to tell her after all. She had dumped Oz, which clearly meant she was no longer interested in him. Now, Peter didn't need to give her a reason to hate him. If she found out now about what Oz had done to get her doll, that would only be something new to rekindle her interest. Sure, she wouldn't like it, but _any_ interest - positive or negative - would be more dangerous than indifference.

"I guess it doesn't matter, then," said Peter.

At that, she looked up. So maybe she was just playing games. Whatever he said, she wanted the opposite. She was a teenager - it was to be expected.

"So," she said, "I guess you had a wasted journey."

"I guess I did," said Peter.

"You've got better things to do, Dad. You're being sued," and she hid behind her magazine once again.

"I know," he said. "But I don't care about money as much as I care about you."

"Are you trying to make me throw up or something?"

"I worry about you," he said. "I wanted to figure out Oz's interest in you, but I couldn't."

Jessica lowered her magazine, and said scornfully, "I _know_ his interest in me."

Peter started, and sat up abruptly. "You do?"

"Yeah, I asked him. He doesn't want to sleep with me - "

"How the hell do you know _that_?"

"We talked about it, okay? But I'm too young, obviously." He sensed that she was choosing her words carefully, though she did her best to hide it. "And he agreed. So I asked him what it was about, if it wasn't that. And he told me."

"Well?" said Peter, after a short interval. "Are you going to tell _me_?"

"He said he liked me once he got to know me," said Jessica. "But the reason he first noticed me was because he thinks I'm, like, a paranormal magnet or something. He found me interesting because he's a warlock."

"He found you interesting because he's a warlock? Jesus, that doesn't sound good."

"Dad, come on. What's he gonna do?"

"He's evil, Jess."

She laughed. "Yeah, right."

"I'm serious."

"What did he do?"

"I thought you weren't interested."

"Well," said Jessica, "I know about that whole stupid thing with the doll, and if he didn't do anything else to _me_… I guess I'm _not_ interested."

"What does he mean by paranormal magnet?" Peter asked suddenly, taking in this scrap of information only when he was more or less satisfied that she wouldn't go back to Oz any time soon. Now he need only worry about _him_ coming to _her_.

"Those weren't his words," said Jessica, "but he said I attract the paranormal. He doesn't know about Will and Cameron" - her last two boyfriends, a vampire and a cambion - "but he gave Slimer as an example."

"Slimer likes me as much as he likes you. Maybe more."

"I said that. He said maybe it's genetic."

"Yeah… interesting. Your mom had all that stuff happen to her as well."

"What, Zuul and Vigo and shit?" said Jessica, wrinkling her nose as though the two past attacks on her mother were as trivial as if they had only happened in the two _Ghostbusters_ movies. "That wasn't anything to do with her - they were just coincidences. One was because of where she lived, and the other was because of where she worked. I wasn't going to get into it with Oz. And I don't believe it anyway, what he said."

"All the same," said Peter, Eduardo's advice still fresh in his mind, "it worries me. _He_ believes it, and he doesn't seem like the kind of guy who'd let something like that go."

"Dad, come on, what's he going to do to me?"

"He's a warlock, Jessica."

"He's a _benevolent_ warlock."

Peter almost argued the point, but then decided against it. He had already told her once that Oz was "evil", and that had made her want to know what he had done. She seemed to have moved on from that now, but Peter knew that if he kept insisting upon it, he would end up telling her what he had learnt and she would probably want to confront Oz.

"Yeah, well," he said eventually, "just please be careful."

"Sure," said Jessica, most unconvincingly.

Peter was tempted to ask her not to see Oz again, but she had already made that decision independently, meaning that she was far less likely now to change her mind about it than if it became _his_ idea. Jessica, he had to admit, was in danger of getting out of control. Dana hated to "indulge her insolence", as she put it, and Peter could see her point - but he also knew that his girl would never stop straining at a tight leash until it killed her. If he wanted to keep her safe, he had to let her have her way as far as possible. This time, he was just going to have to trust her to stick to her decision and, perhaps, heed his warning.

.-.-.-.

When Roland climbed out of his car outside his girlfriend's house, Natalie Daniels was immediately upon him. She had a baseball bat in one hand, indicating that she had just come from the rowdy game being played all over the street. This was the potential stepdaughter that Peter was so sure would one day be such a worry, and Roland had to admit to himself that she was already a wilful and outspoken child. She had turned eight the previous December - the age that Jessica was when her family had moved to New York, and back then she was often to be found playing baseball with the local kids. It was slightly unnerving to think of these things, but Roland did his best to push them to the back of his mind and put on a smile as Natalie approached.

"Hi, Nat," he said.

"Where have you been?" she demanded.

"New Jersey."

"Have you been cheating on my mom?"

"What?" said Roland, startled.

"There's lipstick on your cheek," said Natalie. Then she added, "It's purple," her tone of voice implying that the lipstick being this particular colour only made it worse.

"Oh." Roland reached up and dragged the back of his right hand across his left cheek. "I wish Dr. Venkman had told me about that. We did go to see a woman, Natalie, and she _did_ kiss me on the cheek - but she's just a friend. She's helping us with a case."

"Well," said Natalie, sounding far from satisfied, "I hope you're _not_ cheating on my mom, because she's taking you out on a date tomorrow night."

"Is she?"

"Yes, because _I'm_ spending the night with Dad and Stephanie."

"And Shane," Roland reminded her of her three-day-old half-brother.

"Yeah," she said dully.

"NATALIE!" suddenly yelled a stocky child with alarmingly big muscles for a boy his age. "You're up to bat!"

Natalie turned round and shouted back, "Excuse me! I am _talking_ to _Roland_!"

Grace Temple's tight black curls and dark eyes had been strong enough to come out in Natalie, but the child's olive hue was closer to her father's skin tone than her mother's, and she entirely took after him in size and shape. She had his narrow features and, most significantly in this situation, she was small. Again, Roland was reminded of Jessica; she had spent much of her childhood brazenly shouting at boys three times her size.

"I take it your mom's home," he said timidly.

"'Course," said Natalie.

When Roland got to the front door Grace was already there, probably brought out by Natalie's announcement to the whole street that Roland Jackson had arrived.

"I take it we're back to the usual Monday night routine," said Roland, as he was led in.

"Yeah, Spence insisted," said Grace. "It can't be easy with a newborn baby, but I guess Nat's old enough to understand that - and besides, she's still his daughter. How would it seem to her if she wasn't allowed to stay there anymore now that there's a new kid?"

"Well," said Roland, "that would probably just increase her fear of, um…"

"Of what?"

"Did she tell you she was worried about what might happen if you and I had a baby?"

"No," said Grace, looking faintly startled.

"She thinks I wouldn't want her around anymore."

"What about me? Would _I _still want her?"

"She doesn't think it of you, but the thought of _me_ making her feel unwelcome was enough to worry her. Not that I ever would, of course."

Grace smiled at him. "Of course."

"I think I talked her out of worrying, anyway."

"Good," said Grace. "Wow. She's getting a little ahead of herself there, isn't she?"

"Er, yeah," Roland said sheepishly, unable to help thinking of his earlier conversation with Celine. Grace still didn't seem sure whether or not she wanted more children, whereas Celine had led him to believe that she'd do anything in exchange for his love.

"She _does_ like having you around," Grace went on, at last getting close enough to wrap her arms around his neck. It occurred to Roland that he almost never initiated physical contact. They hadn't slept together yet, and Garrett - who happened to be a good friend of Grace's ex - had led him to believe that it wouldn't happen unless they got married. Roland, therefore, was a little nervous of touching her at all in case it was too much.

"Good," he said. "I like having her around too."

"I _think_ I believe you," Grace said smilingly. "I know she can be a handful."

"I grew up in a house full of kids, remember. She's an angel compared to Tara."

"Unsuitable boyfriends and underage drinking, huh?" said Grace, who had heard a lot of stories about Tara Jackson, now a single mother with no idea of her daughter's paternity. "I can't wait. Ah well, let's not worry about that just yet," and she kissed him for several seconds. Then she said, "I've got something special planned for tomorrow night."

"Oh," said Roland, suddenly sounding a little hoarse. "Great."

"I just hope Spence and Stephanie can cope with Shane _and_ Nat for a whole seventeen hours or so," this being the approximate time between picking Natalie up from school on Monday afternoon, and then taking her back there the next day.

Just as she said this, the unmistakable sound of breaking glass wafted in from outside, and Grace said in panicked tones, "Oh God, I hope that wasn't Natalie! I am _so sick _of having to spend Spence's child support on broken windows!"

"Maybe he should pay for some of them with his own money," said Roland. "He's the one who got her into sports, isn't he?"

"That," said Grace, "is an excellent point. It's not _me_ she gets her carelessness from."

"Of course," said Roland, "it might not have been her."

Barely had he completed this sentence when Natalie's voice could clearly be heard outside: "I'm really sorry, Mr. Grimes. My mom'll write you a cheque, I promise - now _please_ can we have our ball back?"

"Oh no she won't," muttered Grace, letting go of Roland's neck and making for the telephone. As she dialled, she found her smile again and said in far pleasanter tones, "I'll confirm tomorrow night with him as well. I can't wait."

"Um… me neither," said Roland, with no idea what it was that he couldn't wait _for_.

.-.-.-.

**Monday**

Dana left early for work, but Jessica was still there when Peter got up. She was sitting a third of the way up the stairs, holding her cell phone to her ear and not saying anything. Peter thought she was probably listening to a message, as she always did at least half of the talking in any conversation. She seemed not to sense him coming as he descended the stairs. He touched her head when he reached her, and she looked up in surprise.

"Would you like a lift to school?" he asked.

"Sure," she said, standing up and stuffing the phone into her schoolbag, which was hanging from the banister post. "Remember I've got detention tonight."

There was no shame or remorse as she said this. She had skipped a couple of classes the week before, and had detention for three days. It seemed she was getting sicker of school than most kids. Peter knew she'd be looking forward to the summer, but he couldn't help wondering what she was going to do with it. Max Miller's excess energy was to be burnt up as much as possible with organised activities, which was all very well for a child not yet four - but Jessica would be looking elsewhere, and that was worrying.

But it wouldn't be an issue for another couple of months. Peter drove her to school, jokingly threatened to hug her in front of her friends and then went to the firehouse. He found that Egon and Janine Spengler had arrived, but there was nobody else there except for a mysterious visitor who Janine said was waiting for Eduardo in the rec room. When Peter went up and found this visitor on the couch, he could scarcely believe it.

"Holy shit, what are _you_ doing here?" he said. "Doesn't Janine know that Eduardo won't want to see you?"

"She probably would," said Celine, "if I gave her my real name. But I never met her, _or_ Egon, so they don't know me by sight. They're married, aren't they? I can't imagine it's exactly what you might call exciting."

"It's always the quiet ones," said Peter. "Why do you want to see Eduardo?"

"I want to cast a spell on him and send him into the fires of hell."

"Really? Because if that's true, I'm going to have to ask you to leave."

"No," said Celine. "It's no big deal - I just want to talk about Bess."

"Bess?"

"Bess Napier - my dead friend, his ex - surely Roland filled you in on all of this."

"Oh, yeah, right. Hey… Celine, can I ask you something?"

"Knock yourself out."

"It's about Oz," said Peter. "And… my daughter. She said that he said he's interested in her because he thinks she attracts the paranormal. Does that… _mean_ anything?"

"I don't know," said Celine. "That's an interesting prospect. Does she?"

"No."

"Yeah, well… I know what Wanda would do if she ever found someone like that, but Oz isn't like her, so I wouldn't worry too much. Tell you what, I'll look into it for you."

"Oh," said Peter, not feeling exactly reassured. Then his cell phone started blaring out a song by Mood Slime, a so far successful young rock band which happened to be fronted by Peter's stepson. Peter whipped out the phone, looked at the caller display and said, "I have to get this, it's our lawyer - we're being sued."

"Oh, bad luck," said Celine, as Peter answered the call and wandered off to the kitchen.

Moments later, Eduardo turned up. He was alone. When he entered the room and saw Celine, the first thing he did was to clutch at the doorframe and emit a strangled cry.

"Eduardo!" Celine said pleasantly, flashing him a faux smile. "Why, I haven't seen you since you were manacled to Oz's basement wall."

Eduardo took a few moments to catch the breath that had been knocked out of him. Then he said simply, "What are you doing here?"

"Actually," said Celine, "I came to see _you_."

"Why?"

"Don't worry, I'm not going to _do_ anything to you. I don't know if you remember, but it was actually me who stopped Wanda from depriving you of your manhood."

"Yeah," said Eduardo. "And you probably saved my life too - I remember. You never _actually_ wanted to kill me, did you?"

"Not actually," said Celine. "I wanted to hurt you, though."

"Yeah, well… you did."

"I know. And I'm sorry."

Eduardo just stared at her.

"Sit down," said Celine, patting the couch next to her, but Eduardo didn't move. So she yelled, "JUST SIT ON THE FUCKING COUCH, YOU RETARD!"

Eduardo didn't sit on the couch, but on an armchair, and he kept close to the edge. But this seemed enough to satisfy Celine. Her voice was considerably calmer when she said, "Will I see Kylie later?"

"Maybe," Eduardo said guardedly.

"If I do," said Celine, "I'm going to tell her that I've realised it's not her fault Wanda really wanted her and not me. And I'm going to apologise for punching her in the face - I shouldn't have done that. _And _I also realise that she made some valid points about Bess."

Celine and Wanda had blamed Eduardo for Bess's death. Kylie blamed Bess for keeping the secret in the first place, and she had made it known that night in Oz's basement.

"Do you mean that?" Eduardo asked suspiciously.

Celine scowled. "Of course I fucking mean it!"

"Well… why do you want to see _me_?"

"It kind of sounds like I'm going to acknowledge that her death wasn't your fault, doesn't it? Look… you didn't know she was pregnant. That was her call. But what I hate most of all is that it didn't have to happen. You shouldn't have been with her in the first place because _you_ were in love with Kylie."

"Yeah, and that was _my_ call," said Eduardo. "I know that."

"You've already accepted responsibility once before, haven't you?" said Celine. "Once in _my_ presence, anyway - and maybe a few other times too. But I can't stop being mad at you! Why the fuck not?"

"Do you _want_ to stop being mad at me?"

"Don't you want me to?"

"Sure," sad Eduardo, "but if it's what _you_ want… I don't get why."

"Well it's for purely selfish reasons, okay? Being angry all the time isn't good for me."

"Oh. Okay."

They sat in silence for what felt like an age, Eduardo wanting to stand up but not daring.

"I still don't know," Celine said at length, "how much of it was really about Bess, as far as Wanda was concerned. She wanted Kylie pretty bad. What do _you_ think?"

"How should I know?"

"_Because _she was tormenting you in the _fucking _basement for -!"

"Please stop yelling. Wanda talked about Bess quite a lot, and… and why she died. She talked about Kylie too, but… she never forgot what it was really supposed to be about."

Celine nodded. "Okay, well, that's _something_. Y'know, I wish I didn't blame Kylie so much. I always knew it wasn't her fault Wanda had the hots for her - I mean, God, she's a hell of a lot prettier than I am. She's prettier than Bess was too. Jesus, why is everyone so fucking _shallow_? You!" Suddenly she got to her feet, and stood menacingly over Eduardo. "Bess was just a consolation prize, wasn't she? And then as soon as - "

"I _loved_ Kylie!" Eduardo said desperately. "I loved her before I ever laid eyes on Bess!"

"That," Celine said, in dangerously low tones, "is exactly my problem."

Eduardo sighed, and then he stood up too. He was significantly taller than Celine.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I'll say it as many times as you want. It's not like I _didn't_ love her. I really thought I didn't have a hope in hell with Kylie, and I thought I could get to love Bess more. But it didn't happen. I know it was stupid now, but I didn't know then."

Celine shook her head, and suddenly there were tears in her eyes. Then she sat back down heavily, and said, "She was so fucking _weak_. She would have clung onto you whether you loved her or not, and of _course_ she couldn't tell you she was pregnant - it would have complicated things. The abortion was hard for her, but it was the quickest and easiest way. Of all the women you could have tried to love…"

Eduardo sat down too, and said gently, "I wish I knew what else to say. For what it's worth, I… I tried to toughen her up. I used to try and get her to tell me what she wanted, but she just wouldn't. Everything we did was _my_ idea."

Celine sniffed, and said, "I'll bet Kylie's not like that, is she?"

"No," said Eduardo, "she's not."

"You know what? It was partly our fault, really. Mine and Wanda's. We bullied her. She never even wanted to get involved with Surnunos in the first place, and if we'd listened to her… well, she would have never met you."

"Yeah, that _would_ have been better."

Suddenly they were both in tears, and only vaguely aware of Peter having a heated discussion on his cell phone in the next room. Celine sniffed again, wiped her eyes on the back of her hand, and said, "It's not your fault."

"Jesus, Celine, can you hear yourself?"

Then, even crazier than the companionable crying, they both burst out laughing. Neither of them knew whether they were crying from grief or laughter when Garrett came in, but whichever it was, it was too weird and had to be stopped. Eduardo turned his laughter into a nasty sounding cough, ran a hand over his eyes and then jumped to his feet.

"Hey, Garrett," he said brightly.

"Er, hey," said Garrett. "What's Celine doing here?"

"Oh, she was just, um…"

"I'm coming to terms with my feelings," said Celine, still giggling, and wiping her eyes.

"Ah-ha," said Garrett, "well, Eddie, I'd get her out of here before Kylie sees her."

"Hey, shut the fuck up," said Celine, the laughter suddenly draining out of her. "Kylie's one of the people I specifically came here to see. I'll talk to whoever the fuck I want."

"Celine, please calm down," Eduardo said awkwardly. "Are _you_ okay, Garrett? You look, um… kinda weird."

"Do I?" said Garrett. "Well… to tell you the truth, I keep thinking about something Jo said this morning. I mean, it was just a throwaway comment really, but… I can't seem to get it out of my head. It was _weird_."

"What was it?" asked Eduardo, though he didn't sound particularly interested.

"Huh?" He was distracted all right. "Oh, nothing - just something about maybe not giving Max so much sugar in the mornings. I mean yeah, he gets hyper before school, but she's never really been that concerned about his sugar intake before."

"He gets hyper all the time," said Eduardo, "whether he's had a lot of sugar or not. I doubt it'd make much difference."

"Yeah, well… it was early, she was probably just tired. He slept well last night, though - I might ask Jess to play with him again."

"The Venkman girl?" said Celine. "Well, well - she plays with boys of all ages, doesn't she? How old _is_ this Max of yours, Garrett?"

"Three," said Garrett.

"Ugh, I fucking hate three year olds. Isn't one of yours three, Eddie?"

"She turned four in February," said Eduardo.

"What about the other one?"

"Seven next month."

"That was fast. Your and Bess's kid would only be a couple of years older than that."

"If she was just pregnant when we broke up," Eduardo said expressionlessly, "he'd have turned nine at the beginning of this year."

Celine raised her eyebrows. "You've thought about it, then."

"Of course I've 'thought about it'."

"Yeah, well." Celine glanced towards the kitchen when she heard Peter wrapping up his phone conversation. "I said I'd do a little favour for your Doctor Venkman, so if you'll excuse me…" and she got up and walked out.

Moments later Peter came in and said, "Oh, has Celine gone?"

"She's doing something for _you_, apparently," said Garrett.

"Oh, right - well, I have to go and meet with Mrs. Green and a whole load of lawyers this afternoon. Apparently our best hope is to persuade her to take an out of court settlement. Man, I hate those things - they're always so damn _expensive_."

"Her husband died," said Garrett. "You _could_ feel sorry for her."

"Yeah, sure, I do - but it wasn't _our_ fault he died. She, um… wants Kylie to be there. Is this a good time to call her, Eddie?"

Eduardo scowled at that, and said, "Kylie's almost convinced it _was_ her fault he died, thanks to all of this. Why can't that woman just leave her alone?"

"This is all because when a person loses someone," said Garrett, "then sometimes they need somebody to blame. It makes them feel better, you know?"

Eduardo seemed to accept this, and didn't say anything else. Mrs. Green may have been making Kylie feel bad, but at least she wasn't going to extremes.

.-.-.-.

"Celine!" Oz was a man who smiled often a little and never a lot, but Celine could tell that he was happy to find her on his doorstep. "You don't want the room again, do you? I just got a new tenant."

"No, I don't want the room," said Celine. "I was just passing, and I thought maybe we could catch up."

"Excellent. Please come in."

Oz was fond of tea, and this was what they drank as they discussed themselves and each other across the kitchen table. Celine was grateful to hear someone asking after her well being; even Roland had not wanted to talk about that. She told Oz that since going to New Jersey she'd got a job in a piercing and tattoo parlour, and so far she had learnt how to pierce ears, eyebrows, noses, tongues and lips.

"Do they start teaching from the top and work their way down?" asked Oz.

Celine smiled. "Yeah, I guess they do. I'll be happy to learn nipples and belly buttons, but I wonder if they'll let me opt out of, um, the other couple of things. So anyway, tell me about your new tenant. I'll bet he or she is better behaved than me and Wanda."

"She only moved in two days ago," said Oz, "but so far she's behaving herself. She's an acquaintance of the Ghostbusters, and she was desperate - I had a hard time filling that room, for some reason. _She's_ in love with a Ghostbuster too," he added.

"That's weird. Have you _ever_ had a tenant who wasn't in love with a Ghostbuster?"

"Well, I'm tempted to say Wanda."

Celine nodded slowly. "You're right. She's _not_ in love with Kylie."

"Of course I don't know," said Oz. "I wasn't watching you that closely - and what do I know of love and lust, other than what I've read?"

Celine saw her chance, and decided to take it. "What about that Venkman girl?"

"Well," said Oz, "I don't desire her physically."

"Do you love her?"

"I was sorry to lose her."

"Why?"

"A number of reasons. I was sorry to lose you as a tenant, Celine, but I'm not in love with _you_. Similarly, I was sorry to lose Jessica as a… as a…"

"Girlfriend?"

"I enjoyed talking to her," said Oz. "She's an extraordinary girl. She's so full of anger, and yet she's not malevolent, unlike Wanda. You were full of anger too, of course."

"And _I_ was pretty malevolent," said Celine. "I'm not now. I'm not angry anymore either. Well, not much. Look, I might as well tell you that I've seen Dr. Venkman, and he told me that Jessica told him that you told her that you think she attracts the paranormal."

Oz raised his eyebrows. "Could you say that again?"

"I don't think so, no."

"Never mind, I got the gist of it, and it's quite true. That's another reason I was sorry to lose her. She would have been a fascinating test subject - but of course, she would have been infinitely more fascinating if she was still a true virgin. I'm assuming, of course - perhaps I shouldn't - but from the way she conducts herself around _me_…"

"What's a true virgin?" asked Celine.

"Well," said Oz, "technically a virgin is a woman who has never been penetrated by a man. But a true virgin has never had any sexual contact _at all_ - not with another person, with herself, with an inanimate object, or _anything_."

"What about men?"

"Well, feminism has come a long way. There still isn't total equality, as you and I both know, and the double standard still remains - but not to the extent that it once was, and the term 'virgin' is now applied to men as well as women. But when the word was invented, it referred very specifically to something that has yet to happen to the female body as a result of sexual intercourse. Magical lore was written long before feminism began, and I'm afraid ancient standards and terminology still apply to it. Of course, I can't condone any man believing that a woman's body is not her own, but I can't make the ancient texts agree with me."

"Oh, okay," said Celine. "And this Jessica's… how old?"

"Fifteen."

"Well, you'd be hard pushed to find a fifteen-year-old true virgin nowadays - in New York, at least. So… you're gonna leave her alone?"

"If she wants me to," said Oz, "I will. She's yet to answer my phone message."

"Perhaps that means she's not interested," said Celine.

"But surely someone has told her by now about the deal Wanda and I made. That should interest her. They know - I assume it was you who told them."

"Uh, yeah, sorry."

"Don't worry about it," said Oz. "It rather seems as though no one cares anyway."

.-.-.-.

After that Celine went out to get some lunch, and then returned to the firehouse. She didn't know then what the afternoon had in store for her; at first, it was only as simple as being cannoned into by a dark-haired little boy carrying a basketball.

"The three year old?" Celine said distastefully, glancing over to the reception desk where Janine was sitting.

"He'd normally be at home," said Janine, who may or may not have been told who Celine really was, "but his mom brought him in because he was acting up, apparently."

"Like now, you mean?"

"Oh no, _that's_ not acting up. If you really wanna know, you can listen in on Garrett and Jo's argument - it's been going on for hours. They're upstairs."

Celine could hear no raised voices, but she soon spotted Garrett and a curvaceous almost-blonde in cargo trousers hissing at each other at the top of the stairs. They took no notice of her as she passed, and she caught a little bit of their argument.

"I just think we shouldn't push him too hard," said Jo.

"_Push_ him?" said Garrett. "Look at him! What else is he gonna do with all that energy?"

"He can run around with the dog like he does on weekends," said Jo. "I mean, the way you encourage him to play all these sports competitively… it's not fair on him."

Garrett was silent for a moment and Celine, curious as to his reply, waited to hear it. At length he said, "Okay, now I can see why Max was freaking out. There are _so_ many things wrong with what you just said!"

Celine spared them once last pensive look, and then made her way through to the rec room. Roland was there, tapping away at a laptop, and she immediately went over to him. She stood behind him, wrapped her arms around his neck and said, "I suppose you know internet porn is no substitute for the real thing."

"Celine, please, there are children present," said Roland, wriggling uncomfortably.

"Are there?"

Celine rose to her full height, and spotted Eduardo on the couch with a very pretty little girl. It was his and Kylie's daughter - that much was obvious, even though Celine had only seen Rose once, months ago and at a distance. She was reading aloud from a small paperback with a sulky expression on her face that made her look very like her father. It surprised Celine to think that this child had been reading aloud all along, and she hadn't even heard her. Well, she supposed, that was love for you.

"Hey," said Celine, taking her hands off Roland and walking over to Eduardo and Rose. The look that Rose gave her prompted her to add meekly, "Sorry to interrupt."

"Hey," Eduardo said warily.

"Where's Kylie?"

"She's with that woman and the lawyers."

"And the other daughter's still at school, I suppose?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Just checking." Celine sat down on an armchair, and asked, "Out of interest, is Garrett the one who Oz's new tenant is in love with?"

"Yeah," said Eduardo.

"Pretty weird fight they're having, isn't it?"

"I don't know, it's nothing to do with me."

"Daddy!" Rose said irritably.

"Sorry," said Eduardo. "Celine, we have to, um…"

"I am _trying_ to practise my reading," Rose said sourly.

"Good," said Celine. "You keep it up - reading is an essential skill. I'll leave you to it… but before I do, one more question. I suppose Venkman's at this lawyer thing too?"

"Yeah," Eduardo said again.

"Well, I'll stick around and wait for them, if it's all the same to you. I have something to say to both of them."

"Kylie won't want to see you. I, um… haven't mentioned you to her."

Celine raised her eyebrows. "In the hope that I'll fu- I'll go away and leave you alone?"

"Sure," said Eduardo. Then he turned his attention back to Rose and her all important reading practice. "All right, Rosie, where were we…?"

.-.-.-.

After their meeting with Mrs. Green and their respective lawyers, Peter drove Kylie to Conchita's school, as it was that time of day. Kylie disappeared for a couple of minutes, then came back and deposited Conchita and her Hello Kitty schoolbag on the backseat.

"Hi, Peter," Conchita said brightly.

"Hello," he said. "How was school?"

"It was okay. Are we getting Jessica too?"

"No," said Peter, guiltily wondering why Eduardo and Kylie's parenting techniques had created a sickeningly perfect angel, while his and Dana's had not. "She's in detention."

"What did you do today?" asked Kylie, and Peter was faintly amazed when Conchita actually told her. Both of his children - even Oscar, who had always been a responsive and well-mannered child - used to claim every time to have done "nothing" at school.

Peter was parking his car in the firehouse when Conchita asked sympathetically, "How much money did you have to give that woman?"

"More money than _you've_ ever seen in your life, kid," Peter said sourly.

"So… you won't have to go to court now?"

"That's right, she can't take us to court now we've compensated her."

"Is she gonna leave Mom alone now? It's really been upsetting her, that woman saying it was her fault her husband died."

"Absolutely," said Peter. Then, just before they got out of the car, he murmured to Kylie, "She's just too good to be true, isn't she?"

As soon as he was out of the car, his cell phone started playing that Mood Slime song. He answered it to Dana, who had got out of rehearsals early and was offering to pick Jessica up from her detention. Kylie, meanwhile, took Conchita upstairs, and was greeted by the sight of Celine sprawled across the couch and flicking through the TV channels.

"What the _hell_ are you doing here?" Kylie said loudly.

"Kylie, hi," said Celine, turning off the TV and spinning round to face her. "I've been wanting to see you."

"Where's Rose?"

"She went out with Whatshername - Garrett's woman - and that other kid."

"Get the hell out of here before I throw you out."

"Y'know," said Celine, "Eduardo was much more willing to listen."

"You've seen…? Chita, go get yourself something to eat," said Kylie.

Conchita went into the kitchen without argument.

"You _haven't_ seen Eduardo," said Kylie.

"I have," said Celine. "We talked about our feelings, and we came to an understanding. I don't know if he's exactly _forgiven_ me, but we're okay."

"You're lying. Eduardo doesn't talk about his feelings to just anyone."

"Yeah, well, neither do I. But I only ever had two close friends, and I had one of them committed and the other one's dead. What happened to Bess hit both of us pretty hard, and that's the one thing he and I have in common. Maybe he told you _something_ about his relationship with her, but you didn't know her like I did. We both loved her."

"I don't know what you're playing at," Kylie bristled, "but - "

"I'm not playing at anything, and I'm not trying to imply that there are secrets between you and him, if that's what you're thinking. It's just that he and I both knew Bess, and you didn't, and that's why we were able to talk and come to an understanding. I'm sorry for what I did to him, and I'm sorry for what I did to _you_. I tried to keep telling myself that you didn't _ask_ Wanda to feel the way she did about you, and I shouldn't hate you for it, but then you said all that stuff about Bess…"

"It was all true."

"You're right, it was. Well… I've got no time for anyone who condemns a woman for what she does with her own life and her own body, but the abortion issues aside… the things you said about _why_ she did it were kinda right on the button. But it made me angry at the time, and I lashed out. I'm sorry."

Kylie was shaking her head from side to side, her eyes wide open. She looked mildly insane. "I don't trust you."

Celine's face fell into a scowl. "I wish you would."

"Where's Eduardo? You've _done_ something with him, haven't you?"

"No. He's out on a call with Roland and Garrett and that Spengler guy."

"Were you lying about where my daughter is?"

"Oh Jesus, Kylie - paranoid much?"

"Look," said Kylie, taking a step towards her, "if you're lying…"

Celine scoffed. "You'll what? I'm a lot bigger than you, pint size."

"Yeah?" Kylie closed the remaining distance between them, and grabbed the neck of Celine's tank top in both hands. "Well size isn't - "

"Mom!" Conchita had suddenly materialised in the kitchen doorway.

"I told you to get something to eat, honey," said Kylie, not taking her eyes from Celine.

"I've _had_ something to eat. What's going on?"

Kylie stayed still and silent for a few moments, and then let go of Celine.

"Who _is_ this?" asked Conchita.

"Well," said Kylie, "you remember that rough patch your dad and I went through just before Thanksgiving, when he moved out for a bit? That was all because of _her_."

"I was in a bad place back then," Celine put in hastily. "I'm here to apologise. I've seen your dad already, and he's forgiven me."

"Mom seems to think you've _done_ something with him," said Conchita.

"I haven't."

"Mom, why not call him to see if he's okay?"

Kylie just stared at her for a moment. Then she took out her cell phone, but paused when she heard the Ecto-1 pulling in downstairs. Moments later she heard footsteps, but it was too quick to be anyone who was in the car. Then Peter came in, and said, "Oh, I guess I maybe should have warned you about her."

Kylie scowled at him, and then made her way downstairs.

"She's had a bad day," Conchita said apologetically to Celine.

"It's all right," said Celine. "I completely understand why she's still mad at me."

"What did you do?"

"Oh… it doesn't matter now. But I really am sorry."

"I thought you didn't like kids," said Peter.

Celine made no response to this remark, but said to him, "I talked to Oz. He said he's going to leave your daughter alone for as long as she wants him to, and I believe him."

"You've seen Oz?" Conchita asked eagerly. "How is he? I'm not allowed to see him."

Kylie's voice was now clearly audible from downstairs; she was asking Eduardo why he hadn't told her about Celine being there, and what the hell he thought he was doing by coming to an "understanding" with her.

"Well," said Celine, "you need friends your own age."

"I have friends my own age. But _he_ doesn't, and he likes me. And I'll bet he's really sad since Jessica dumped him, isn't he?"

"Um… in a way."

"What else did he say?" Peter asked impatiently.

"Nothing," snapped Celine, not taking her eyes from Conchita. In fact, she was looking so intently at the little girl that she began to make her feel somewhat uncomfortable.

"Are… you okay?" Conchita asked at length.

This girl didn't seem weak, but she was gentle and good. She had qualities that Celine had never before seen reconciled with strength of character, but she _had_ seen them.

"Yeah," she said. "Sorry. You remind me of someone."

"Oh. Who?"

"An old friend."

The four younger Ghostbusters appeared, apparently having left their boss somewhere else. Eduardo smiled when he saw Conchita, and began to lavish her with affection. Celine was faintly sickened, but not at all surprised. From seeing them together it need not be called into question that he loved Rose as much, but Conchita was just the sort of pretty little girly girl that a father would go quite ridiculously silly over.

"Are you still here?" Kylie said acidly.

"Hey," Celine said to Eduardo, "how did the two of _you_ manage to produce a little sweetheart like _her_?"

"Well," said Eduardo, "you know how kids rebel against their parents."

"Please don't act like her best friend, Eduardo, I can't handle it," Kylie said wearily.

Some minutes later, Jo returned with Max and Rose. Peter had gone to talk to Egon about the effect Mrs. Green was to have on the company's money, and Celine had stuck around to shoot the breeze with Conchita and the four younger Ghostbusters. Janine had gone to pick up her and Egon's two children from school some time ago, and then had taken them straight home for the last couple of hours of the working day.

Jo and Garrett said a tense few words to each other, and then she left. Max stayed behind at his own insistence, and clung so tightly to Garrett that he was asked, "Are you okay?"

"That's not Mom," Max said at once.

Garrett blinked. "What?"

"That can't be Mom. She's being too weird."

"She _was_ being weird," said Rose. "She took us to the library."

"I thought you liked the library," said Garrett.

"I do. _He _doesn't." She indicated Max. "And nor does Jo."

"It's not her," said Max. "She's too weird."

"Well," Garrett said cautiously, "I can kind of see what you mean, Max, but…"

"She said we couldn't go to the park."

"That's probably because you had Rose with you. She doesn't like the park - she's scared of the dogs, remember?"

"She _was_ acting different," said Rose. "I think she's sick or something."

"You know what?" said Celine, and everyone looked at her except for Max, who continued staring at his own hands making wrinkles in his father's sleeve. "This sort of reminds me of a spell Wanda wanted to do on Eduardo."

"What spell?" Kylie asked sharply.

"It's an interesting one," said Celine. "It's something you do to two people who love each other. It works on _any_ two people - siblings, friends, lovers and such - except parents and children. That is, you can stop a child from loving a parent, but you can't stop a parent from loving a child unless they're… you know… kinda shit already." It was probably a good thing that "shit" was the worst word she had said in the presence of the children. "Anyway, what it does is to take away from one person the thing that the _other_ person loves most about them."

"Which one of us did Wanda want to take something away from?" asked Eduardo.

Celine gave him a comic look. "Which one do you think?"

Conchita and Rose were both looking utterly bemused, but they remained silent. Max, by all indications, wasn't paying attention to the conversation at all.

"I wonder what would have gone missing from _you_, Eddie," said Garrett.

"I admit I was curious about that," said Celine. "Probably even Kylie doesn't know what it is she loves most out of everything. Hmm… I guess we could have made your kids stop loving you - that would have hurt like hell, wouldn't it?But I didn't think of that at the time, so I really didn't want to go through with that one."

"Why on earth not?" asked Roland.

"Haven't I been through this with you people?" Celine said irritably. "All Wanda wanted to do was split these two up. If it was painful for him, so much the better, but that was beside the point. I just got so sick of targeting their relationship. He had to have other sore spots, and she was just ignoring them."

"How did you talk Wanda out of it?" asked Eduardo.

"I had a better idea."

"What idea?"

"Well, you remember the, um… foetus?"

"Foetus? What?" said Garrett.

"That was _your_ idea?" said Eduardo, shuddering inwardly at the memory of a burnt and bloodied zombie foetus crawling around his old apartment above his brother's garage, where he had been staying.

"Kind of," said Celine. "Look, if you _really_ want to know, I found the zombie spell and suggested we use it. Then Wanda was all like, ooh, let's make it a foetus! I thought that was a _great_ idea, and then she said I had to go and find one, and I said why didn't she - she was the one who wanted the zombie to be a foetus - and she said that if I _didn't_ get one we weren't doing the spell at all, so I had to go and steal… what?"

They were all staring at her with their mouths wide open - all except Max. Celine could not believe that Conchita and Rose had fully grasped what she was talking about, but apparently they knew "foetus" or "zombie" - or possibly both. Eduardo was staring hardest of all, as well he might.

"Yeah, okay," said Celine, "it was horrible. But in my defence" - she looked straight at Eduardo - "I didn't actually think it would work. But anyway, back to the point…"

"What _is_ the point?" Roland asked dazedly.

"Garrett's woman, whatever her name is, acting weird."

"Who," said Garrett, "would cast a spell like that on me and Jo?"

"Well…" said Celine.

"Oh!" Garrett's eyes widened. "You think Stephie did it?"

"Who's Stephie?" asked Celine.

"Oz's new tenant. She's in love with me."

"Oh, right. In that case, yes, that's the thought that crossed my mind. But would she do something like that? You know her better than I do."

"Well," said Garrett, "I guess I'll just have to go and ask - "

At that point Peter came crashing into the room, proclaiming, "She's not there!"

"Wha-… who's not where?" asked Roland.

"Jess! She's not at school! Dana's picking her up, but she's not there!"

"Dude, chill," said Celine. "She's a teenage girl. She probably hooked up with some friends and went to get a soda or something."

"Or," said Peter, "she hooked up with Oz."

"Yeah, well, what if she did? Oz doesn't say stuff he doesn't mean. Unless she wants him to see her, he won't. Have you tried calling her?"

"Of course I've tried calling her! And I've called all her friends too! No one knows where she is - she's got to be with Oz!"

"Celine," said Roland, "could you please call Oz for us?"

"If she's with him, he won't _do_ anything to her," said Celine, but she took out her cell phone anyway and began scrolling through the numbers.

"Why are you worried?" asked Conchita.

Peter shook his head helplessly, and said, "It's complicated."

"You can tell me anyway - I'm not stupid! Why won't anyone tell me what he's supposed to have done?"

It wasn't much but, coming from Conchita, this was an uncharacteristic display of anger. For a moment it silenced everyone. Then Celine said, "Oh. No answer."

"Oh my God!" fretted Peter.

"Why don't a bunch of us go over to Oz's place?" asked Garrett.

"Ooh, yeah - then you can ask your ex if she's done any little magic tricks," said Celine.

"Can't you take this seriously?" cried Peter, exasperated.

"Let _me_ go," said Conchita. "I can help."

"No," said Eduardo, "you can't."

"I can! He likes me!"

"No! I said you weren't going to see him again, and I meant it!"

"But he - "

Eduardo interrupted, but no one except his own daughters could understand what he was saying. He didn't often have cause to get angry with either of them, but whenever he did, he always told them off in Spanish - a habit he had apparently picked up from his mother. To everyone's surprise, except Celine's, Conchita started to answer back - also in Spanish. She usually trusted her parents to know best, but apparently this time she wasn't going to take it lying down.

"Ky," said Garrett, "there's no need for any of you four to come on this thing. If I go, could you and Eddie look after Max? I… don't think he wants to go home."

"Sure," said Kylie. "Garrett, what if it turns out Jo made this change of her own accord?"

"Well," said Garrett, "then I guess we'll have to sit down and talk about it."

"_You're_ coming, right?" Peter said urgently to Celine.

"Well," she said, smirking "it's not really an appropriate time for that kind of thing, is it? But I'd love to later - it partly depends on Roland."

Peter glared at her, then grabbed Roland and pulled him to one side.

"You have _got_ to come with us," the older man said.

"Why?" asked Roland.

"To keep _her_ under control."

"But I've got - "

"Please, Roland, I am _begging_ you!" Peter cried desperately. "You are the _only_ person she listens to! When we were in New Jersey, she wouldn't even let me in the café!"

Roland sighed heavily. "Fine. But I have to make a call first."

"Sure, whatever. I'll organise some equipment."

"What kind of equipment? Oz is human."

"As far as we know."

Peter took out his cell phone as he left the room, and Roland assumed he was calling Dana to let her know what was going on. The shouting in Spanish had stopped and Eduardo was now trying to reason with Conchita, clearly fighting the part of him that always gave in to big eyes, dimples, smiles and, failing all that, tears.

Kylie was talking to Rose, perhaps trying to give her some explanation of what the hell this was all about, while Garrett tried to reassure Max. Roland knew that the former Max Sanford had first come to the Millers attention-starved and anxious. He seemed all right now, but his mother possibly being under some kind of magic spell seemed likely to send him back there.

"You're not cancelling, are you?" Grace said wretchedly, on answering Roland's call.

"I really hope not," said Roland. "It might be nothing, but Dr. Venkman's daughter has gone missing."

"Oh my God, that's terrible!"

"Well, we don't know yet, but just in case something _is _wrong I'm going to help look for her. I'll try to get there as soon as I can, Grace, I promise."

With an audible sigh, Grace said, "I know you will, honey. Good luck finding her."

When Roland hung up, Garrett was saying a long goodbye to Max. The boy still looked anxious, and Garrett was apparently in two minds about leaving him. The only child to come to a childless couple, complete with his own unique and very serious set of problems, Max was extremely precious. What was more, he was probably destined to remain an only child. Garrett and Jo were still young, but with the kind of care and attention Max needed, it would almost certainly be unwise to adopt again.

"I'll bet that was Grace," said Celine, smiling wistfully at Roland.

"Er, yeah," he said.

"What have you got on for tonight, then?"

"I don't know. She, er… said she had something special planned."

"Oh, really? Well, _I've_ had something special planned for _months_."

"You make it sound so cheap," said Roland. "It's not just about what you do - it's who you do it with. Grace is a good woman."

"Yeah?" said Celine. "And what does that make me?"

He hesitated. "I never really saw it before…"

"But…?"

"You're crazy."

"Crazy?" said Celine. "Where do you fucking get off, calling me crazy? Is this because of what I told you about the zombie foetus?" Then she stopped, looked thoughtful for a moment and finally said, "Okay, maybe I _was_ crazy. But I'm not now. Losing someone fucking _hurts_, Roland. I've only ever had two real friends, and she was one of them."

"Yeah?" said Roland. "So what am I?"

"You're not like them. If you were, I wouldn't have tried to sleep with you. _That's_ what went wrong with Wanda."

Peter reappeared in the doorway, said urgently, "Come on, move it!" and then ran off again. Roland and Celine followed him at once, while Garrett leaned forward and pressed his lips to Max's forehead for a good five seconds or more. Then he, too, made his way down to the ground floor and the Ecto-1.

_To be continued…_


	2. Chapter 2

_Extreme Ghostbusters: _**The Right Thing**

Part Two

Dana hadn't missed Jessica by much. She arrived just a couple of minutes after the detention finished, but Jessica had already got into a taxi with Oz, whom she had earlier arranged to meet by text message.

"I'm afraid I don't believe your parents are okay with this," he said.

Jessica shrugged. "I never said they were."

"Jessica, you really are appalling."

"Don't start."

"Why do you behave like this?"

"I said don't start. I just _got_ all of this from my damn history teacher. She gave me this textbook to work from for twenty-five minutes, and then she spent the last five minutes telling me that I'm 'such a bright girl', and I 'could do so _well_'."

"Why don't you?" asked Oz.

"Why don't I what?"

"Do well."

She stared at him for a moment. Then she said, "What did you do?"

"What do you mean, what did I do?"

"You did something bad. My dad went all the way to New Jersey to find out what it was, and now no one will tell me."

"If no one will tell you," said Oz, "then you probably don't need to know."

"I _want_ to know," said Jessica.

"You don't need to know because you dumped me. I no longer pose a threat to you."

"Meaning you did before?"

"As far as your father was concerned I did."

"Well obviously you still do," said Jessica, "because I'm sneaking off in the back of a taxi with you."

"Well," said Oz, "here we are. Come inside and perhaps I'll tell you what I did."

They got out of the taxi, and Jessica waited while Oz paid the driver. She then followed him towards his house, and again had to wait while he unlocked the door.

"Is it anything to do with me?" she asked.

"What I did?" said Oz. "In a way, but you know about that. I had your doll."

"Y'know, it's more Princess Conchita's doll than mine. So… what about it?"

"Can I get you anything? Something to eat or drink?"

"Oh, yeah, great - I haven't eaten since lunch."

Most of what Oz had in his kitchen was a little too healthy for Jessica's liking, but he did manage to find her a very large packet of Doritos.

"Okay," said Jessica, when she had eaten half the Doritos and Oz had done nothing but watch her. "You're creeping me out now."

"I'd like to show you my bedroom," he said.

She cocked an eyebrow. "Really? Well, it was a long time coming."

He furrowed his brow. "I said my bedroom, not my penis."

"Yeah, well. Most guys, when they say that, it means the same thing."

"I think I'm in love with you."

She spent a few moments choking on a Dorito, then got over it and said, "I doubt that."

"Oh well." Oz seemed to accept this analysis of the situation, and simply shrugged it off. "Will you come upstairs with me, then?"

Jessica was beginning to feel a little apprehensive, but she had come to trust Oz, so she agreed to follow him up to his bedroom. She thought about how she had trusted her first boyfriend, Will, even though she knew perfectly well he was a vampire. She knew now how stupid that had been. But it was over two and half years ago now - she'd grown up a lot since then, or so she thought. Oz… he was human, and he was okay.

He opened the bedroom door, waved her in and then invited her to sit on his bed. She did so, and he shut the door.

"I never leave it open," he said, catching something in her face.

"Why not?"

"I keep a lot of secrets in here."

"Oh."

He walked towards her and sat down on the bed beside her. They were silent for a little while. Then he said, "When Wanda and Celine were accidentally raising zombies in the graveyard, I already knew them. They were my tenants. Did you know that?"

"Someone might have mentioned it," said Jessica. She was looking around her, wondering if Oz's "secrets" were of the tangible or the metaphysical variety. It was probably a bit of both, she thought. He had a lot of bizarre stuff in his room: statues, stuffed animals, a lot of intriguing looking boxes and bottles…

"I could have dealt with the zombies," he said. "I'm very powerful, actually."

"Okay, I'll bite," said Jessica. "So why go to the Ghostbusters?"

"I wanted to meet them."

"Why?"

"They could be useful people to know. One day… well, they might even become a hindrance to me. I don't know, it depends."

It was an unsettling statement, but Jessica chose not to pursue it, for another thought had occurred to her that concerned her more.

"Is that why you asked me out?" she said. "Because you were interested in them?"

"Partly," said Oz. "That secretary - excuse me - client administrator person told me that another Ghostbuster had a teenage daughter, and I did consider trying her if you really kept insisting that you weren't interested. It's as well to have a contact. But that wasn't all. I wanted _you_ very particularly."

"You've told me why, haven't you?" said Jessica.

Oz nodded slowly. "You're magical."

"I'm really not."

"Well, perhaps you're not magical per se. It's just that there's something about you. I've told you all of this, haven't I? The supernatural… it _likes_ you."

"My other two boyfriends were a vampire and a cambion," said Jessica. "Are you saying they didn't like me for me?"

"Well, I wouldn't know about that."

"But this whole thing about me attracting the supernatural… that's why they noticed me in the first place. That's what you think, isn't it?"

"Jessica, it doesn't matter what _I_ think."

"Well," she said, "you're probably right. I'm no swimsuit model, and I was so _young_ when I started seeing them. I mean, I'd have to be younger than the vampire, but I was twelve. Why would a guy like that notice a twelve year old who isn't even pretty?"

"I didn't mean to make you lose your self-confidence."

She shook her head. "You haven't. I'm happy with who I am - that's the difference between me and just about every other girl my age. Well, _one_ of the differences. I don't have this big hang-up about attracting guys either. What's wrong with being single?"

"Nothing. Especially at your age."

"There's nothing wrong with being single at _any_ age. You'd think we were living in Victorian times, the way everyone's so desperate to get _married_. I don't care if I can only attract demons - it'll just make it easier for me never to fall into the old marriage trap. So come on - what did you do?"

"Has no ordinary human being ever been attracted to you?" asked Oz. "Really?"

"Well," said Jessica, her lip curling, "there was one. But I hate him, and he lives in England. What did you do?"

"The doll," said Oz. "I swapped it for something. No… for some_one_."

"Er… who?"

"Not literally, of course. An item belonging to this person. And then Wanda and Celine… they used it to do some rather unpleasant things. Do you know about that?"

"No."

"Ah. It was Eduardo, actually." Suddenly, Oz stood up. He walked a few paces away from Jessica, then turned and said, "Jessica, are you and I still friends?"

"Uh, sure," she said.

"The reason why I wanted to know you… it's always there, whether we're, um, _together_ or not. I hoped you might agree to a few little experiments. Could we try it now?"

"What, er… what kind of experiments?"

"Oh, don't worry, nothing that will harm you in any way. Come and have a look at this."

Jessica stood up, keeping one eye on the closed door. She walked towards Oz; he turned to a shelf and pulled down a heavy black urn. He stared down at it in his hands, not turning round again. She drew up beside him, and asked, "What's that?"

"It's my father's ashes."

"Oh. Eww."

"One should never reanimate the dead - not in any way that involves their physical body - but there's no harm in summoning a spirit. Well… I suppose that rather depends on the spirit. But for the method I want to use, I _do_ need his ashes. It's never worked before, but with _you_ here…"

"I don't think so," Jessica said hurriedly.

He stared at her, still holding the urn. His stare reminded her of a cat. The kind of cat that liked to freak people out by staring. She was sure they did it deliberately, but with Oz… she no longer knew _what_ to think. She tried to keep her eyes on his face, but just briefly they flickered towards the door.

"All right." Oz replaced the urn on the shelf. "We can try something else. This may sound impertinent, but are you a true virgin?"

Jessica blinked. "Am I a what?"

"If you were, I'd take you to the park and tie you to a tree naked and try to summon a unicorn. I've always wanted a unicorn."

"You would?"

"Well… only if you agreed."

"I don't want to be naked," said Jessica.

Oz gave her an odd look, and said, "That makes a change. Let's try something else."

"I'd really rather go home. My parents - "

He turned round and crossed the room. "You don't give a damn about them."

"Of course I do!"

"You show them no respect. They love you more than anything, and you give them nothing in return."

"That's not true!"

"In what way? I suppose you don't believe they love you."

"I'm going home."

She strode over to the door, but when her hand closed around the doorknob it burnt her, and she pulled her arm back with a shriek.

"You'll be all right," said Oz. "Just stay and cooperate, and then you can go home."

"You're fucking crazy!"

"We could try calling a genie - that would be fun. They grant wishes."

"Let me out of here!"

"You said we were friends."

"Look… let's go to the park and try the unicorn thing. I _am_ a virgin."

"I don't think so," said Oz, his tone never changing. "You're not a _true_ virgin, are you?"

"Jesus Christ, Oz - do you think this is how friends treat each other?"

"I don't know, I never had any. Now then." Oz sat down on the bed, now wielding a very large hardback book. "Shall we begin?"

.-.-.-.

Celine, not taking it seriously at all, leapt into the Ecto-1 beside Roland shouting, "I call shotgun!" There was room for three people on the front seat, but Garrett and Peter both got into the back, and no one said anything until they had picked Dana up from outside Jessica's school. She sat with Peter, and they started talking very seriously and intently.

"Should we tell Oscar?" asked Dana.

"No," said Peter. "He'll start trying to come home, and the press'll be all over it, and - "

"Your son the rock star, right?" said Celine. "He's hot. I'm Celine, by the way. You must be, um… Peter's woman."

"Dana," Dana said dryly, clearly taking an instant dislike to Celine.

"She's going to find your daughter for you," Roland said pointedly.

"Look," said Celine. "I don't think you should be panicking yet. It could very well turn out that we go and knock on Oz's door, and you'll find Jessica there and she'll be all like, oh no! They've found me with this guy I'm not supposed to see!"

"I never said she wasn't allowed to see him," said Peter. "_She_ dumped him."

"Oh yeah," said Celine, "he said."

"What if it _doesn't_ happen like that?" said Dana. "How are we supposed to find her?"

"Jeez, lady, calm down," said Celine. "Let's just cross bridges as we come to them."

"What good is that if she's _dead_?"

"She's not fucking dead, you crazy bitch!"

"Hey!" said Peter.

"Celine, please," said Roland. "She's the girl's mother. And I think she has a point - we _should_ figure out what our next move will be if we don't find Jessica at the house. I mean, it's not like we could spend this time doing anything more useful, is it?"

"Jesus, you're so fucking _sensible_," said Celine, rolling her eyes. "Okay, well, we can ask the tenant, whatever her name is - "

"Stephie," said Garrett.

"Whatever. We can ask her if she's seen either of them."

"She will have been at work," said Garrett.

"Maybe she saw Oz when she got back," said Celine. "I can keep trying his cell phone. Maybe they're just… I don't know… in one of those snobby restaurants where they confiscate your phone when you go in. In spite of what you people might think, and in spite of Oz being obviously crazy, I don't believe he's going to do anything to her _or_ do anything to stop her from returning to the bosom of her family."

"It's all right for _you_ to be so blasé," muttered Dana. "You obviously don't have kids."

"Hey!" said Celine, her expression darkening. She turned in her seat and glared at Dana. "Just because I'm not in your fucking special club for stuck-up bitches who've fulfilled the highest honour a woman can bestow upon herself, doesn't mean my opinion - "

"Celine, please calm down," said Roland. "She's worried."

"I wish I'd never come back to fucking New York. Nothing ever goes right for me here - everyone's a total fucking jerk."

Roland cocked an eyebrow. "Even me?"

"You? Of course not. You're _too_ nice. I'm only doing this for you. We don't have to, you know. She's gonna be home safe and sound by midnight at the latest, just like every other spoilt little rich bitch that goes missing."

"Roland, for God's sake, shut her up!" said Peter.

"Why don't you _all_ shut up?" said Garrett.

After that, they were silent the rest of the way to Oz's house, and they happened to arrive just in time to see Stephie walking up to the front door. It opened without her having to unlock it. Before the car had even stopped, Garrett, Peter and Dana all tumbled out.

"_They're_ keen," Celine said dryly.

"They're worried about the people they love," said Roland. He, Garrett and Peter were all carrying a full quota of Ghostbusting equipment, but Dana hadn't even asked for any.

"Tchuh," said Celine. "Love is more fucking trouble than it's worth."

Roland just looked at her for a moment. Then he said, "You know what, Celine? I don't get you. I don't know exactly why you came back here, but from what I've heard it sounds like you've been trying to sort some stuff out with Eduardo and Kylie, and you obviously care for Oz in some way. You even implied you'd have a baby with me if I wanted you to - and then you say something like _that_."

"So," said Celine, "you're asking me if I'm really a cast-iron heartless bitch or not?"

"I never thought you were that," said Roland.

"I came here to talk to them about what happened because I don't _like_ being angry all the time. But I can't help it. Someone hurts me, and I just can't let it go. _Ever_."

"Well, Celine, you obviously have anger issues. Maybe you should… you know… _see_ someone about it."

"Hey! I'm not going to any fucking shrink, man!"

"Yeah, well… they're still interrogating Stephie, look," Roland quickly changed the subject. "Maybe we should go and see what's going on."

Celine climbed out of the car before Roland did, and charged into the middle of the small gathering on Oz's doorstep.

"You just got back from work?" she said to Stephie.

"Er, yeah," Stephie said meekly.

"And the door was unlocked. That means he's home - he never leaves the door unlocked. So what the fuck are we standing around out here for? Let's go in and look for him."

"Hold on," said Garrett, as they were joined by Roland. "I'm not done with her yet."

"What's happened to you, Garrett?" Stephie said despairingly. "You were _so_ sweet when you showed me the pizza and the flower shop and then we went to my father's bail hearing and I cried because I didn't have ten thousand dollars."

"Yeah," said Garrett, "well, that was before you - "

"How many more times? I haven't cast any evil spells on your stupid Jo woman! I can't believe you would even _think_ that of me, Garrett! As if I didn't have enough negativity to contest with, what with everyone being so ignorant of my people's - "

"Okay, lady, that's enough," said Celine. "Garrett, if she said she didn't cast a spell then she didn't cast a spell, okay? I mean, look at her - she's fucking pathetic. Not everyone can be a Wanda, can they? Now then." She looked at Peter and Dana. "You two drama queens are here to find your daughter, right? So let's go."

She led the way into the house, called out Oz's name and then made her way upstairs. She made straight for one door in particular, and stood staring at it.

"That's Oz's room," said Stephie, drawing up behind her with the others.

"I know that," said Celine.

"He's asked me not to go in there."

"Yes, he would have. We weren't allowed in there either."

"Why?" asked Peter. "What's in there?"

Celine turned round and glared at him. "How the fuck should I know? I wasn't allowed in, remember?"

"Oh!" Stephie said suddenly. "Um… sorry, what's your name?"

"Celine," said Celine, turning back round to stare at the door.

"What if I made a wish?"

Celine looked at her. "What?"

"Well… if I said 'I wish'… I don't know, something. In this house. Might it… come true, for some reason?"

"I don't know," said Celine. "Did you?"

"Did you wish something to make Jo go all weird?" Garrett demanded sharply.

"If I did," said Stephie, "it was a total accident, I promise."

"Jesus, Stephie, what did you wish for?"

"I, um… don't remember exactly."

"Well if that's it," said Celine, "then the person to ask is Oz. I'm sure he'll be able to tell us what happened, _and_ how to fix it. If we could just get to him…"

"Well that's easy enough," said Dana, and she barged Celine to one side, her hand closing over the doorknob. She withdrew it instantly, however, and cried out in pain.

"What happened?" Peter asked urgently.

"It burnt me!"

"So don't do it again!" he said, as once again Dana lunged for the door.

"I don't know if you remember, Peter, but I went through six hours of labour to have her," said Dana. "She's my daughter - I don't care what it takes!"

"Stop!" said Celine, grabbing Dana's wrist before she could touch the door again. "God, I _hate_ you! No offence or anything, but you are just the most _annoying_ woman! You can burn both your hands off if you really want to, but it won't accomplish anything. I am telling you people, if Oz doesn't want us to get in there, then we are not getting in!"

"We have to!" said Peter. "Jessica - "

"Might not even be in there. Look… I'll try his cell phone again, okay? And you can try hers. If there's still no answer… well, I still say we should just wait."

"Screw that," said Dana, and she took out her cell phone, though she didn't look hopeful.

"You can't even fucking swear," muttered Celine, as she too grabbed her phone.

.-.-.-.

Minutes after that, Eduardo was on the phone with Peter, looking faintly horrified. Kylie, Conchita, Rose and their cat Pagan all watched him as he stood there in silence. Max Miller was there too, cuddled up to Conchita and watching a rowdy ball sport on TV, not the slightest bit interested in what Eduardo was doing.

"You _know_ I'm not gonna agree to that," Eduardo said at last.

"Eduardo, _please_!" said Peter. "He's got Jessica locked in - "

"You said."

"She'd be perfectly safe. _You'd_ be with her."

"So?"

"He _likes_ her!"

"He likes Jessica!"

"Oh… forget it," said Peter. "Putting a six year old in danger… that's not gonna do any good, is it? I'm sorry I even thought about it, but it's just that we're desperate! What if he…? I don't even know! Oh, God - why didn't we do something about him sooner?"

"Chita couldn't get through a magically locked door anyway," said Eduardo.

"No, I guess not."

"Maybe Cameron could."

"Cameron!" exclaimed Peter. "Oh my God, that's _brilliant_!" Then he hung up.

Eduardo hung up too. Rose stopped paying attention to him, and started asking Kylie when dinner was going to be ready. Kylie went to check on the meal that was in the oven, taking Rose with her, and that was when Conchita approached her father. Max shifted slightly without the support of her body, but he was still engrossed in the TV. He didn't notice the change, and Eduardo and Conchita barely even knew he was there.

"I _can_ help, can't I?" said Conchita.

Eduardo shook his head. "No."

"How do you know I can't? What's going on?"

"He's got Jessica locked in his bedroom and put some kind of spell on the door. Do you really wanna help a guy like that, Chita?"

"He sounds sick to me."

"He _is_ sick."

"I mean sick like he needs help!"

"Chita," said Eduardo. "I'm not putting you in danger, and even if I did there wouldn't be anything you could do."

"_I _think there would," said Conchita. "Daddy… something bad is going to happen!"

Eduardo looked at her for a moment, thinking, _Holy shit, is she psychic or something? _Then he asked calmly, "How do you know that?"

She looked at the floor. "I don't know, it's just a feeling."

"You get these feelings often?"

She looked up at him again, and frowned. "You know I don't. It's just… he's crazy, and there's all people there who hate him. That _can't_ be good!"

"Celine's there."

"Yeah, well… she's crazy too."

That, Eduardo thought, was a fair point.

"If something bad is going to happen," he said, "then that's all the more reason for me to want you safe at home. They don't need you. Celine may be crazy, but she's Oz's friend, and Roland's there - you trust _him_ to help everyone he can, don't you?"

"Why should Oz listen to Roland?"

"Why should he listen to _you_?"

Conchita's frown deepened. Her eyes filled with tears, and then she turned and stormed off to her bedroom. Eduardo watched her go, not moving for quite some time. This was all too weird. Then finally he left Max alone with Pagan and went to the kitchen, where Rose was standing on a stool and handing cutlery to Kylie from an open drawer.

"I think she's had conversations with Oz that we don't know about," said Eduardo.

"Sometimes he talked to us at the firehouse when you weren't there," said Rose.

"Well… what did he say?"

"Um." Rose stopped to think for a moment. "He talked about his dead dad a couple of times. It made Chita cry," she added in a stage whisper.

"Does she know something we don't?" asked Kylie.

"Well… if she does, clearly Rose knows it too," said Eduardo, and he looked expectantly at his younger daughter.

"He only said he was dead and he used to be evil," said Rose.

Kylie raised her eyebrows. "Evil?"

"You know, like the witch in _The Wizard of Oz_," and she gave both of them a look as if to say: _How was I produced by two such stupid people?_

"Did he tell you _how_ his dad died?" asked Eduardo.

"We asked him," said Rose, "but he said it would give us nightmares."

Eduardo and Kylie looked at each other for a long time. Then she said, "Oh, God. Let's just have dinner and see what the others tell us in the morning."

.-.-.-.

There was the sound of a motorcycle engine outside, and then a knock at the front door.

"I'll get it," said Celine.

"Stephie," said Garrett. "Is there any way we can _find out _what happened to Jo?"

"We can ask Oz," Stephie said simply.

"Yuh-huh, well." He paused. "Aren't there any… I don't know, books or anything?"

"Well… I guess I could go have a look."

Stephie turned and wandered off, passing Celine and Jessica's ex-boyfriend, Cameron Doherty, on the stairs. Cameron was seventeen, and the kind of magically blessed kid who wanted nothing more than a normal life in spite of his superpowers, which he had inherited from his incubus father. He had recently spent some time with a young woman called Summer, who had been spawned by that same incubus, in order to gain some control over his powers. Now that he _could_ control them, he wanted to keep them under wraps, but apparently that wasn't going to happen - at least not today.

"Cameron, can you get us through that door?" said Dana.

"Um, I can try," Cameron said awkwardly. "What, um… what's wrong with it?"

"We can't touch it," said Roland. "It burns."

Cameron walked up to the door, held his hand in front of the knob to test the heat, and looked at the whole structure with a thoughtful expression on his face. "So Jess is in there with this Oz guy, and he's a warlock - is that right?"

"Yes!" Peter and Dana said urgently.

"So am I just trying to save her virginity, or what?"

"He doesn't want to have sex with her," said Celine. "He's just crazy."

Cameron exhaled heavily. "I don't like the sound of this."

Then he took a step back, stiffened and closed his eyes. A light wind whipped up around him, sending ripples through his clothes and hair. He remained like that for twenty seconds or more, and Peter was about to try and hurry him up, but then suddenly there was a moderate explosion and the door blew off its hinges.

Celine hung behind, and Cameron took a step back. Peter, Dana, Garrett and Roland all crowded round the door and peered inside. Oz was shaking a circle of salt onto the floor; Jessica was sitting in the middle of the circle, her hands and feet positioned as though they were tied down, though there were no visible bonds.

"Oh boy," she said, sucking in her breath, when she saw her parents.

Oz stared at his defaced bedroom doorway. Then his eyes rested on Cameron, who looked sheepishly back at him.

"Who is this?" he said.

"My ex," said Jessica.

"The one you have such 'fun' with?"

"Er, yeah."

"Dr. and Mrs. Venkman," said Oz. "She came of her own accord, you know. Perhaps you should leave until she's ready to go home."

"Oz," said Jessica. "I want to go _now_."

"I've told you," he said. "_I _decide when you are ready to go home."

"All right," said Peter, taking a step forward, but he got no further. Oz flicked his wrist, and suddenly everyone outside the room was paralysed. Peter found that he was no longer able to speak, but everyone else still had their voices.

"Oz!" said Celine.

Oz, who had given his attention back to Jessica, turned round in surprise. "Celine! I didn't see you there. Sorry about that - do come in."

He flexed his hand again, and Celine was released. She pushed past Cameron, Dana and the three Ghostbusters, and ventured into the bedroom.

"Oz," she said. "I think you should let her go."

"I will," said Oz. "As soon as we're done. I'm going to summon a basilisk."

"You're not!"

"It'll be okay. All right, Jessica, are you ready?"

"Oz," said Jessica, "are you sure a basilisk…?"

"Celine, _do_ something!" yelled Dana.

"There is nothing you _can_ do, Celine," said Oz. "Anyway, I thought you were interested in dark magic."

"I was," Celine said significantly.

"Wanda would enjoy this. What a shame she isn't here."

Celine bit her lip, feeling helpless and wondering what to do as Oz made his way over to a very big book on the bed. He leant over it and began to read aloud. As he read, all that happened was much as one might expect the summoning of a magical creature to be. There was a lot of wind and gradually rising smoke, a very rich purple in colour. A gigantic reptile was almost fully formed in the midst of the smoke when Celine had the sense to yell out, "Oz, those guys are paralysed - it'll kill them!"

Oz clicked its tongue, looked at the gathering outside the door and then, grudgingly, wiggled his fingers at them.

"Get behind something!" yelled Roland, as soon as he could move again. "Its breath is deadly. Or its gaze. Or maybe both - it depends what you read."

"Just its breath!" Oz said impatiently. "Look, if you promise to let me get on with what I'm doing, I'll make sure it doesn't hurt you."

"You're sick!" yelled Jessica.

Oz scowled down at her. "You want to go home? Then help me to summon the spirit of my dead father. Hmm… actually…"

Celine and Jessica watched as Oz went over to a drawer and produced a worryingly large syringe. He did a little chant over it - perhaps his way of sterilising it - and then carried it over to Jessica. He grabbed her left arm, turned it palm-up and rolled up her sleeve.

"Please don't!" said Jessica.

"It's just a little needle."

"It's huge!"

"You'll be perfectly safe."

Celine dragged her eyes away to look at the basilisk, which had its head in the bathroom. She knew it wasn't really appropriate, but at first all she could do was compare the four-legged lizard to the snake, which was also purported to be a basilisk, in _Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets_. Oz, she knew, quite valued the _Harry Potter_ books for their entertainment value, but didn't think much of the representation of all things magical.

When Celine looked back at Jessica she seemed to have been released from her invisible bonds, as she was now nursing her inner elbow. Oz had moved over to a small table on which rested the syringe with a good quarter-pint of blood in it, and onto this table he was sprinkling what looked suspiciously like somebody's ashes.

"Oz," said Celine. "What are you doing now?"

"I'm going to summon the spirit of my dead father," he said, injecting no expression into his voice, and not taking his eyes from what he was doing.

"Why?" asked Celine.

"Why did _you_ want to summon the spirit of your dead friend in the graveyard?"

"You told me about him, Oz. Are you sure it's a good idea to bring a spirit like _that_ into a situation like _this_?"

"Jessica," said Oz. "If this works, I may consider letting you go. But you wouldn't come back again, would you? And you really are very useful for this kind of thing."

"You can't keep me here!" cried Jessica, scrambling to her feet.

"I can," said Oz. "You will find that you can't leave this room. _You_ can, Celine, if you wish. Now then…"

"Oz," said Celine. "Let her go."

"Let's just see what happens with this, shall we? Then I'll decide."

Jessica stared at him for a moment, clearly frightened. Then she looked at Celine and said, "Go and see how my mom and dad are doing - I can't see them."

Peter and Dana had indeed disappeared from just outside the room, along with Garrett, Roland, Cameron _and_ the basilisk. Celine wasn't keen on taking orders from a fifteen year old, but she went anyway, as she was beginning to feel a little anxious herself.

She heard the basilisk hissing downstairs, and then she heard proton fire. When she followed the sound, she saw the flashes of proton beams coming from the kitchen. It looked like that particular situation was in hand, so she decided to see how Stephie was getting on. She was in the living room, flicking through one of Oz's old books.

"Oh, hey," she said, when she saw Celine. "What's going on up there?"

"Stephie," said Celine. "I don't know _what_ to do about this. What _can_ you do with a warlock who has awesome magical powers and who's gone completely nuts?"

As Celine had pretty much expected, Stephie had no answer. They stared at each other for a bit, and then the sound of proton fire ceased. Dana was first out of the kitchen, followed by Peter, then Roland, Cameron and finally Garrett.

Peter, Dana and Roland all started running up the stairs, but Garrett grabbed Cameron's arm and said, "Y'know, Cameron, we only really needed you to open the door. You can go home now if you like."

Cameron, who looked completely out of his depth, mumbled something in a resigned tone of voice and then started back up the stairs.

"Hey," said Celine, drawing up alongside Garrett. "Is he in love with her?"

"What, with Jess?" said Garrett. "I really have no idea. Could you maybe help me get back up the stairs?"

She did help Garrett to get back up the stairs, and once there they made their way into the middle of the group of people who were being stared at by Oz. He and Jessica were still in the bedroom, and Dana was violently attacking an invisible force field some yards away from the door.

"Give me my basilisk," said Oz. By this time he looked as well as sounded completely insane, and even more worrying, another one of those plumes of smoke was welling up behind him. This one was orange, and huge.

"No," said Roland.

"What about if you give us Jessica?" said Dana, ceasing her assault on the force field.

Oz shook his head. "Keep it, then. I'd rather have her."

"_What_?" shrieked Dana. "She's just a kid, you fucking lunatic!"

"That's more like it, Dana," said Celine, taking a few steps towards Oz. "Oz, come on, this is fucking ridiculous. I thought you were a nice guy."

"I'm emotionally dead," said Oz. "I told you."

"Let her out of there."

"No."

"Oh, that's it - we _have_ to use Conchita," said Peter, reaching for his cell phone.

Oz looked at him sharply. "Conchita?"

"Would you stop this for her?" Peter asked hopefully.

"You leave her out of this," said Oz. "She's innocent. She's almost seven, and she's still uncorrupted - it's extraordinary. If I could find a way to keep her like that…"

Cameron, who had been stationary for a long time, suddenly pulled out a cell phone and wandered off down the landing. Peter noticed, and was about to object, when suddenly Jessica yelled, "OZ! Your thing you're doing… it's on _fire_!"

She was referring to the spell he was doing, involving her blood and his father's ashes. Oz suddenly looked panicked, and turned round muttering, "No, no, don't do this…"

"Summer, it's Cam," Cameron said to his cell phone. "I'm kind of in a situation…"

Oz began doing everything he could to his magic spell, from talking to it to waving his hands at it to beating the flames with a pillow. But the fire was spreading fast. Dana was frantic now, and Peter had gone into a state of shock - he wasn't moving.

"Can't we get through that force field with our proton guns?" said Garrett.

"We tried that while you were still downstairs," Roland said shortly. "Celine…?"

"I'm doing my best, Roland, in case you hadn't noticed," said Celine. "Oz… come on! OZ! Get out of there, and bring that girl with you!"

Doubtless Oz would have taken no notice even if he had been listening, but he wasn't. The fire was still spreading, Jessica was beginning to choke, but something in the magic seemed to be working. A face was beginning to form in the orange smoke.

"It's working!" cried Oz. "Jessica, you did it!"

"LET ME OUT OF HERE!" she yelled.

"For God's sake, try it again!" screamed Dana, grabbing the nearest proton gun, which happened to be Roland's.

Then Cameron swooped in. He charged over to the force field, held his arms out a little to his sides, closed his eyes and concentrated _very hard_. There was a crackle of sound, and a blue light fizzed just in front of him. He opened his eyes and stuck out his arm.

"Jess!" he yelled.

She didn't need to be told twice. Jessica ran forward and grabbed his hand. He pulled. Dana and Peter grabbed her arm, and they pulled too.

"This isn't doing any good!" yelled Jessica, clearly terrified.

Cameron looked over his shoulder at Roland and Garrett, and said, "Try again with your gun thingies whatever you call 'em."

Roland and Garrett took their guns and aimed at the force field, both a little worried about hitting somebody, but more worried about Jessica inhaling that magical orange smoke. It was a terrific strain, and it still seemed hopeless - but then suddenly Jessica's whole body burst through the force field and she fell to her knees, coughing violently.

"Come on, get up!" said Dana, pulling Jessica to her feet. Then she, Cameron and Peter started dragging her towards the stairs.

Jessica shook her head, trying to resist them. "Oz…"

"I can't do anything," said Cameron. "And neither can you. Come on."

They bundled her towards the stairs, pushing past Celine, Roland and Garrett. Garrett was hanging back and looking at Roland, who was hanging back and looking at Celine, who was hanging back and staring as Oz desperately tried to control his magic.

She was torn. Oz was her friend. She had grown fond of him. But what could she do? There was only one possibility: she had to make one more attempt to make him see sense.

"OZ!" she shouted. "GET OUT OF THERE, YOU FUCKING LUNATIC!"

She felt a hand on her arm. It was Roland.

"He's gone."

"What do you mean gone? Gone where? He's not dead."

"Not yet. But he's gone. Crazy. He's not with us anymore. I don't think he even knows you're here."

"We gotta go, guys," said Garrett.

Celine knew they were right. There was nothing she could do, and anyway, this was it. Oz was going to be killed. Problem solved. He wouldn't have to go through life being crazy and miserable, and endangering headstrong teenage girls. The Venkmans wouldn't have to worry about him anymore. No one would.

Besides, the flames were spreading beyond the force field. Celine nodded, and she and the two Ghostbusters made their way downstairs, but Celine looked back just before she started to descend. The face in the smoke was still there, and it was cackling. She was sure that Oz's dead, insane father - if indeed that was him - wanted this to happen.

She then followed Roland and Garrett downstairs - going down, it seemed, was not a problem for Garrett - and she saw that the latter was looking into the living room. A moment later he came out, followed by Stephie, who had apparently been forgotten by Cameron and the three Venkmans.

They ran out of the front door, Stephie wailing, "If the house burns down, where will I live?" Then they made their way over to the Ecto-1, where Dana was weeping all over Jessica and Peter was thanking Cameron profusely for saving her life. The poor boy was listening with a strained expression, still looking like he wished he'd stayed at home.

"Listen," said Celine, to Roland and Garrett. "I think the spirit of Oz's dead father is hanging around there. Maybe you should try to get rid of it."

"Right," said Roland, heading back towards the house. He had barely gone two steps, however, when the whole building suddenly exploded. Everyone ducked instinctively, and shielded their eyes as flames billowed out of the windows.

"Well _that_ was smart!" Garrett yelled at Roland.

Celine took a deep breath, closed her eyes and listened to Jessica's cry of, "OZ!"

"Jesus, Jess, he was trying to kill you!" Peter said loudly.

Celine shared Jessica's grief, but she refused to let it show. She counted to ten, then opened her eyes and saw the orange smoke seeping from the house.

"There he is!" she cried, pointing as she saw the laughing, maniacal face appearing in the smoke. "Blast it!"

"On three," said Garrett.

"THREE!" he and Roland yelled, prompting Celine to roll her eyes. Did they _have_ to get one of those in now? With only two of them, it actually sounded kind of pathetic.

It had been hectic, but there was no more jeopardy to come. The spirit, whatever it was, screamed in the two proton screams until Roland threw down a ghost trap and sucked it inside. The entity was gone. That just left the house fire.

"I'll call the fire department," said Cameron.

Jessica shook off both of her parents, wandered a few yards away and just stood there with her back to the house. Celine looked at her for a moment. Then she touched Stephie's arm, and took her a little way down the street.

Roland shook his head, staring at the flaming house. "I can't believe this."

"Who's Summer?" asked Garrett.

Roland looked at him. "What?"

"Cameron called somebody called Summer, right before he got Jessica through that force field thing."

"Oh," said Roland. "Well, he spent some time with a half-sister learning to control his powers, didn't he? That must have been her - she must have told him what to do."

"He saved her life, you know. That's huge. Maybe they'll get back together."

"I don't know, Gar. I think Cameron'd kinda like a quieter life."

They stood in silence for a while, watching as Cameron went and put his arm around Jessica while Peter and Dana stood helplessly by. They hissed at each other a bit, perhaps discussing how best to help their daughter, or maybe even how to stop her from being such a danger to herself and others in the future.

Then, eventually, Roland and Garrett were joined by Stephie.

"Garrett," she said. "Celine was just telling me that because the house has exploded, any magic that happened as a result of something _in_ the house might have been undone. If it hasn't… well, there's probably _something_ we can do, but let's cross that bridge when we come to it, huh? I really am sorry, you know."

"_I'm_ sorry," said Garrett. "I did fall in love with you once, you know, and I wouldn't have done that if you were the kind of person who'd deliberately hurt somebody else. I never should have believed that you could."

"I'm going to move away," said Stephie. "I mean, I have no home here now, and Celine offered to let me move in with her, so I'd be a fool not to accept."

"She did?" asked Roland. "That was nice of her."

"I like her," said Stephie, smiling at him. "Oh, yeah, she wants to see you."

Roland looked in Celine's direction and saw her in the light from the flames, waiting for him. He glanced at the fire, hoping it wasn't going to spread beyond that one house before the fire department showed up, and then went over to her.

"I'm going home," she said. "Tonight."

"With Stephie."

"Yeah."

"It's really great of you," said Roland.

Celine gave a dry laugh. "No, not really. Not knowing what happened to my last couple of roommates. Guess I was wrong about Oz., wasn't I? I'm, uh… sorry about that."

"We're all wrong sometimes, Celine, and this time it was just because you wanted to trust someone who you thought was your friend. You're a good person at heart, aren't you? And you did the right thing in the end."

She stared at him. "I left Oz to die."

"You did everything you could."

"You haven't fallen in love with me, have you?" Celine asked guardedly.

"Don't sound like that," said Roland. "I thought you _wanted_ me to fall in love with you."

She shook her head. "I've kind of changed my mind. I _do_ love you, but… it wouldn't last. You were good to me and I wanted to sleep with you. But nothing more - not really. Or not in the long run. It wouldn't be fair on you. You deserve the kind of woman who's gonna stay in a committed relationship and give you babies. Even if we stayed together, Roland, I am _not_ having kids - and I know that's the thing you want most."

Roland raised his eyebrows. "Not just because of tonight?"

"Not _just_ because of tonight, no, but tonight did kind of reaffirm what I already knew. I'm not cut out for parenthood. Kids take over your life completely. You worry about them all the time. They're dependent on you for everything. You are almost solely responsible for the person your child turns out to be. I can't do that, Roland. _You_ can, but I could never handle the responsibility. I mean _I'd_ have to try harder than most, wouldn't I, to stop my kid being a total fuck-up. Even if you were its dad."

"Well," said Roland, "I think you're selling yourself short there."

"I was being pathetic anyway. About you, I mean."

"You… you were?"

"Yes. Do you remember what you said to me that time when we went out for dinner, and then you drove me home and we both found out independently that Wanda had Eduardo manacled up in the basement? Well, you said - oh, good, the fire department are here."

She had been vaguely aware of the approaching siren, but didn't make the connection until the fire engine actually pulled into the street and six uniformed men leapt out. It was Cameron who approached them to talk.

"I guess he'll tell them Oz was in there," said Celine, "and they'll try to find him and save his life. It's way too late for that, though. I feel sorry for that Cameron guy - this is nuts."

"What did I say?" Roland asked gently.

"Hmm? Oh, you said I never struck you as being co-dependent. Well, I'm fucking well not! You remember Surnunos? Well, yeah, of course you do. That happened partly because Wanda and I were crazy power-mad wannabe witches, but also because Bess had the hots for Chip. Then Bess and Eduardo… _that_ didn't end well, did it? And Wanda finally snapping… that was all because of Kylie. I think. But even if it wasn't, the relationship _I_ had with her… that was fucked up, and I loved her. Oz was in love with Jessica too - I really believe that. It drives you crazy. I'm better off alone."

"Not necessarily," said Roland. "If you meet someone - "

"If I do genuinely fall in love with someone, then good for me - I'm sure it'll be great. But in the meantime, I don't mind being single. In fact, for the time being at least, I'd prefer it. Being in love is way too much hassle. Just making friends with Stephie and helping her find a job and introducing her to my New Jersey pals, and maybe learning how to pierce nipples and belly buttons… that's all I want right now."

.-.-.-.

Cameron went home alone on his motorcycle, just as he had arrived. He offered Jessica a lift out of politeness, but she wanted to stick with her mother and father, just as he knew she would. Roland drove everyone besides Cameron back to the firehouse in the Ecto-1, dropping Garrett off at home on the way. Stephie got out with him, and accompanied him to the door of his apartment block.

"I'm sorry about that," she said.

"We don't know if she's back to normal," said Garrett. "It might not have been you."

"Well, there's only one way to find out, isn't there?"

"I guess so."

There was a long pause.

"You should go," said Garrett. He nodded towards the Ecto-1, where all three Venkmans could be seen _not_ looking at each other in the back. Jessica looked pretty bad. She hadn't even cried yet - all she could do was stare. "I think they want to get her home."

Stephie nodded. "Okay."

"Keep in touch, won't you?"

"Really?"

"Of course. Y'know, I was totally smitten with you all those years ago, and that was because I liked you. _That_ hasn't changed. So… let me know how it goes, okay?"

Stephie smiled. "Okay." Then she headed back to the Ecto-1.

Garrett went into his apartment, and was immediately pounced on by Knicks, their overzealous young dog. Officially it was around Max's bedtime, but as far as Garrett knew, he was still with the Riveras. Jo was doing some clearing up in the kitchen.

"Oh, hey," she said, when she saw Garrett. "You're late."

"Sorry."

"It's okay. Max is having a sleepover with Rose - he's Ky and Eddie's problem tonight."

"That's not really fair on them, is it? Maybe we should have given him less sugar."

Jo stared at him for a moment. Then she said, "What?"

"You suggested it earlier."

"I don't think so, Garrett."

Garrett allowed himself a sigh of relief. It looked like she really was back to normal. Just to make absolutely sure, he said, "A few more organised activities to wear him out, then."

"That's more like it," said Jo.

"I'll tell you why I'm late."

"Okay."

"Oz died."

"Oz… _died_? Jessica's boyfriend? He died? Oh my God! How is she?"

"I'm not sure," said Garrett. "She's just… quiet."

.-.-.-.

Once they were back at the firehouse, Roland headed over to his own car with Celine and Stephie. Peter watched them for a few moments. He didn't know exactly what was going on between Roland and Celine, if anything, and frankly he no longer cared. He looked at Jessica. She and Dana were walking towards his car.

"How are you feeling, Jess?" asked Peter. "Did you inhale much smoke? Maybe we should take you to the hospital."

Jessica shook her head. "I'm fine."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm not going to the hospital, Dad."

"In that case I think we should go and break the news to Conchita in person."

"To Conchita? Why?" asked Dana.

"She liked him," Jessica said expressionlessly, still not looking anyone in the eye.

"She wanted to help," Peter added.

"All right," said Dana. "If you both think it's a good idea, let's go."

.-.-.-.

The Riveras' apartment was small, and the front door led straight into the living room. Eduardo answered it, and Kylie and Conchita were both visible behind him. Rose was, presumably, asleep. None of their three visitors considered Max, who was also in the apartment. Conchita looked ready for bed, wearing a pink t-shirt and yellow shorts, her hair braided. She had Kylie's chin on her head and was curled up against her breasts, staring at something on the TV. She looked like the archetypal cute little girl. Neither Peter nor Dana could even state their business to Eduardo. They just stared at Conchita.

"I'll tell her," said Jessica.

"Tell her what?" asked Eduardo.

"Oz died."

Conchita heard that. She leaned forward and said, "What?"

Jessica brushed past Eduardo and entered the room. She stood over Kylie and Conchita, looking at the floor, and said, "Oz died."

"How?" asked Conchita.

"Oh… it's complicated. There was kind of a fire…"

"She's so calm," said Eduardo.

"Which one?" asked Dana.

"Jessica. Chita won't be calm in a minute. She's never gonna forgive me for this."

"For what?"

"For not letting her go and help."

"She couldn't have done anything," said Peter.

They heard Jessica say, "You couldn't have done anything."

"_She_ doesn't know that," said Eduardo. "And now she never will. Anyway, it wasn't just at the end I wouldn't let her see him. It was as soon as I found out about that whole stupid thing with my earring. I said she could never see him again."

"Maybe you should tell her what he did," said Peter.

"Maybe I will," said Eduardo. "It's all so complicated, and she'll want the full picture - I wish I was better at explaining things to her. She's so much smarter than me."

Conchita was already in tears by the time he'd said this.

"He did something to hurt your dad," said Jessica, still talking in a monotone. "Did you know that? They only do it because they care about us. Parents, I mean. Oz might have done something to hurt you too, eventually. You should stay away from guys like that."

Then she turned and walked out, somehow avoiding a collision with Eduardo or either of her parents in the doorway, in spite of apparently taking little notice of where she was going. Peter and Dana stayed where they were for a moment, perhaps trying to think of something to say, then turned without a word and followed their daughter. Eduardo, very afraid of the look he might get in return, turned his gaze onto his own.

"I'm sorry," he said.

Conchita, for the first time in her life, glared at him. "No you're not."

"I'm sorry you had to lose a friend," he said. "But you're right - I'm not sorry he never got a chance to hurt you."

"He wouldn't have!"

Eduardo didn't say anything else. She was upset, and he didn't want to aggravate her by trying to justify himself. He looked at Kylie, and she was looking straight back at him. He thought he saw guilt in her eyes. She was the one comforting their daughter, but she wouldn't have let her see Oz again any more than Eduardo would have, given the chance. It was just that she'd never actually had to say so.

"I'm going to bed," said Conchita, and she stood up to go. Then she stopped.

"Use our bed, honey," said Kylie, knowing Conchita had remembered that her own bed was currently full of Max Miller.

"I guess she needs you tonight more than I do," Eduardo said dully, when she had gone.

"Sorry. I can't let her sleep on the couch after this."

"Of course not - I'll take it. You should probably go and tuck her in."

"I will," said Kylie. "In a minute. She'll forgive you, you know. Soon. Especially if we take her through it bit by bit when she's had a chance to calm down. Besides, she knows what Jessica said is true: it's because you love her."

"I wonder how Jessica's _really_ feeling," said Eduardo.

Kylie shook her head. "We don't even know everything that happened yet. Oz was nuts. For all we know, he could have been trying to kill _her_."

.-.-.-.

Jessica, even after all of that, still had her school bag with her. She rifled through it for her keys while Peter parked the car in the driveway; then she got out of the car and let herself into the house faster than she knew she could. She sensed Peter close behind her, and she had a feeling he wanted to say something.

But it was Dana who spoke first: "Don't do this now."

"No." Jessica, about to go up to the bathroom, turned at the foot of the stairs. "Do it now. I want this over with."

Peter raised his eyebrows. "Do you?" His tone was challenging, as if to imply that there was no reason why she should get what she wanted.

"I've been an idiot," said Jessica. "I know."

"I don't understand you," said Peter. "You're impossible, but I've put up with your shit for fifteen years. I _have_ to let you have your own way, because you are just the kind of kid who gets told she can't do something and then does it ten times worse behind her parents' back. You miss your curfews and you go out with demons and warlocks, and I have to go easy on you because I do _not_ want to make an enemy of you. If you're not on my side, you'll go off the rails. But you're doing it anyway! I do the best I can with you, I treat you with respect - like an adult - and you _still_ go behind my back!"

Jessica glanced at Dana, then looked back at her father. "It's just _you _I do it to, is it?"

"Your mom wants to be harder on you," said Peter. "You know that. Sometimes she is. But then you come to me, and you manipulate me into undermining her."

"Have you finished?" asked Jessica.

"No," said Peter. "Jess… I love you. We both do. And I'm terrified, because if you carry on like this you are going to get yourself killed! Two and a half years ago you went to a school dance, and I found you about to get bitten by a vampire. Then later I find out you'd been seeing him on a regular basis! You go to Cameron's house for a soda, and you end up in the hospital and everyone thinks you've been drugged and raped."

"That was an accident."

"It was a potentially _fatal_ accident! Unlike the other two, Cameron is not a bad guy, but he's dangerous to know. And now _this_! I just don't know what to do with you anymore."

"Can I go now?" asked Jessica, not bothering to remind him that dangerous-to-know Cameron was the main reason she was still alive.

Peter might have been about to say no, but Dana answered first: "Yes."

Jessica went upstairs, and they watched her until she had shut herself in the bathroom. Then Peter turned to Dana and said, "_You're_ supposed to be the strict parent."

"What was the point?" said Dana. "_You_ finally snapped."

"Yeah, and _you_ stopped me."

"Well, if there's more, it can wait. Her boyfriend died tonight."

"They'd split up."

"Ex-boyfriend, then. It's still a terrible experience for her. I'd be upset if Andre died."

"Even if he was… you know… doing all of _that_?"

"It's hard to imagine," said Dana, with an edge of wry humour to her voice. "Look, you've said it now. Can't you just wipe the slate clean for tomorrow?"

"Oh… sure," Peter said resignedly. "But what happens the next time?"

"You don't think she learned anything from all that?"

"Why should she? She obviously didn't learn anything from cosying up to that vampire. I mean… what did we do _wrong_ with her?"

"Whatever you do," said Dana, "don't use the word 'wrong' when you're talking to _her _about this. You and I do the best job we can, and she still does stuff like this - she _knows_ that. Don't remind her, because I can tell you where it'll lead."

"Where?" asked Peter. "Are you saying you know why she does it?"

"She's just frustrated. _She_ may not be the perfect child, but… well, think about who is."

"Are you saying she's jealous of Oscar?"

"Well of course she is." She said it as though it was obvious. "I mean, look at him. He's gorgeous, and he's made a pretty good go of his musical career so far, and the only time he ever stepped out of line even a little was when he had a damn good reason, because we'd dragged him out of his home and made him move across the country."

"Well… she doesn't _have_ to go off the rails! She could behave as well as he did!"

"Peter, _you're_ the psychologist," said Dana. "But I'm the one with brothers, aren't I? She doesn't_ have_ to misbehave, but since - the way she sees it - she can't do _anything_ as well as Oscar, she might as well not try to emulate his good behaviour either."

Peter stared at her for a moment. Then he said, "All this because of Oscar?"

"Well I'm only making an educated guess."

"But she's… she's as good as he is. And he's not better at everything - she's better at school. The only As Oscar ever got were in - "

"Music. _I'm_ a musician - I wanted that for him - and _you're_ living all your dumb teenage rock star dreams through him now. But she's no musical genius - she can't give us that. I'm not saying she's right," she said, silencing Peter's next argument before he could voice it. "But that's what she thinks, and that's what's behind all of this - I'm sure of it."

"All right," Peter said slowly. "So what can we do?"

"Sleep on it."

"But it's not even nine o'clock."

"I don't care, I'm exhausted."

She started ascending the stairs, and Peter followed her, knowing he would never get to sleep that night. Apparently he had a lot to think about.

.-.-.-.

Roland and Celine had, of course, already indulged in a somewhat conclusive little scene outside Oz's house. But now, as she and Stephie waited for the late but that would start them on their journey to New Jersey, Celine apparently wanted another. Stephie hung around several yards away while Celine hugged Roland tightly and said, "You take care."

"You're talking like a cousin I'm only gonna see every few years," said Roland.

Celine pulled out of the hug, and looked at him with one eyebrow cocked. "I think that's better, don't you?"

"I'd like us to be friends."

"That's not a good idea. _My_ friends always either go crazy, or die, or both."

Roland gave her a sympathetic smile, put his hands on her shoulders and said, "Are you sure you're gonna be okay?"

"Of course I'm gonna be okay. I always am - it's the people around me that suffer. I'll have to be careful with Whining Girl, won't I?"

"Do you think _she'll_ be okay?" asked Roland. "She seems pretty cut up about Garrett."

"That's because she's a fucking drama queen. Don't worry, I'll soon whip her into shape. If she wants to stick with me, she has to learn that it doesn't take a man to make you happy, or even a gay woman."

"Clearly not. In the end I didn't even get to pick, did I?"

"Did you want to?"

"No. You know how I hate to let people down - it's better that _you_ decided."

"Well then," said Celine, "I've saved you the trouble. I never really believed you would have picked me over this Grace woman anyway - or at least I didn't after you turned down my first few offers of casual sex. You're a rare guy, y'know."

"I _might_ have picked you," said Roland. "You'll never know now."

"Yeah, well, I _know_ you're just being kind, giving me a nice thought to hold onto. If you really wanted me, we'd be down each other's throats right now. But you don't have to. I mean, if you _had_ picked me… then what? I would have let you down eventually."

"Celine…"

"I'm not just being hard on myself - it's true. I don't _really_ love you, Roland. Not like I should, if we were serious. And anyway, if I was thinking about having kids before…"

"You said all of this."

"So you go live in your cosy little co-dependent world where romantic relationships are the be all and end all, and I'll go home and have a life, okay?"

"Okay," said Roland. "Oh, look - I think that's your bus."

"Oh, you're right," said Celine, hurrying to catch up with Stephie as the bus drew in. She looked at him over her shoulder, shouted "Bye!", then pulled Stephie onto the bus and was gone. That "Bye" seemed far too simple, after everything. Roland knew that really was it. If she didn't want to be friends, they had no reason to contact each other anymore.

He went back to his car and drove straight to Grace's house, feeling overwhelmed with guilt. Actually he'd felt a little bit guilty ever since he'd allowed Celine to kiss him a couple of times back in November, nearly half a year ago.

.-.-.-.

Roland knocked on the door, perhaps a little timidly, and when Grace answered it she looked very surprised to see him.

"I thought you'd be all night," she said.

"Well," said Roland, "we found her."

"Oh, good. Is she okay? Come in."

"I think so," said Roland, following Grace through to the kitchen. "At least, she will be, but she's upset right now because her ex-boyfriend died."

"He _died_?" said Grace. "Oh my God, what happened? Sit down, I made dinner in case you got here after all - I just need to heat it up."

She pushed a casserole dish into the oven and Roland, sitting at the kitchen table, told her as succinctly as he could what had happened. There was something else he wanted to talk about, and he wanted to get there as soon as possible. Once she had shut the oven Grace stared at him, open-mouthed, until he had finished.

"That kind of thing's more likely to happen to a kid if their dad's a Ghostbuster," he said.

"I'm sure," said Grace.

"Doesn't that worry you?"

"You're not Natalie's dad."

"Yeah, well…"

"Are you asking me again if I want to have more kids with you? Because it was only last week that we agreed - "

"No, no, of course not," said Roland. "It's just… well, Dr. Venkman's stepson's had his share of this kind of thing too. Not quite as bad as Jess, but…"

"You're… not asking me to marry you, are you?" said Grace.

"No. Well… not yet."

She looked at a loss for words.

"This is coming out all wrong," said Roland. "Look, Grace… there's something I have to tell you. Come and sit down."

"I'm not gonna like it, am I?" said Grace, moving slowly as she took a seat opposite him.

"Well… not especially. See, there was this woman, and - "

"What woman?"

"I'm telling you. We met her on a case over ten years ago - she was a witch - and one of her friends started seeing Eduardo, and then she died last year. Eduardo's ex, I mean. And this woman was really cut up about it, and she got into some trouble. She started having a, um, relationship with their other friend. A woman."

No, that wasn't fair - he was making it sound like Celine had been a straightforward lesbian, and not interested in him sexually at all. He cleared his throat and carried on.

"But she… this woman I'm telling you about, Celine… she's bisexual. Well, she's attracted to people rather than bodies, anyway. She was in this relationship with her friend, but she kind of wanted me too."

"I bet I know why," said Grace. "You were kind to her, weren't you?"

"Er, yeah. Sorry."

"Why? Were you kind to her in a way you have to be sorry for?"

"She was in a bad place," said Roland. "She was doing all these weird magic spells with this other woman, and they were trying to hurt Eduardo in various ways, and they were both in danger of tipping over the edge. The one who isn't Celine - her name's Wanda - she's in a mental hospital now, but Celine… she was always kind of on the fence. I hoped maybe I could persuade her to fall off on the right side… if you see what I mean."

"Is that a euphemistic way of saying you cheated on me?"

"No! No, Grace, I would never do that. I just… well, she kissed me a couple of times."

"Did you encourage her?"

"I don't think so. I told her about you straightaway. I told her how well we were getting along, and… it was back in November. I should have told you earlier."

Grace was looking at him, shaking her head with a bemused expression on her face. She asked, "Why are you telling me this?"

"Because I want to be completely honest with you."

"But nothing happened."

"I know, but I still felt like I had to keep her a secret from you, so there must have been _something_ wrong with what I was doing. Sometimes I had the feeling she was only letting me help her because she thought she could get me to fall in love with her, or at least sleep with her. I told her about you, like I said - but she kept on believing she could sway me, so I couldn't have tried _that_ hard to put her off the scent."

Grace was still shaking her head, and had now covered her face with her hands. "Oh, Roland, you're being too honest for your own good. Is that all?"

"Yes."

"You said you loved me."

"I do!"

"Then why are you giving me reasons to break up with you?" She dropped her hands to look at him. "You're going to cause problems for Natalie; you made another woman believe you could fall in love with her… It sounds like you want me to dump you."

"I don't," said Roland. "I _really _don't - I'll do anything to make it up to you."

"Make what up to me?"

"Keeping Celine a secret. I should have told you."

"You must have thought about choosing her over me," said Grace, "even if it was only for a moment, because otherwise you _would_ have told me. But I guess that's only natural… whatever _that _means. She offered to sleep with you, you say?"

"Well," said Roland. "Yes."

"And you obviously didn't take her up on it, otherwise you wouldn't have unburdened yourself with all that. Do you have any idea how many guys would have?"

"She said the same thing."

"Roland Jackson, you're one in a million."

She stood up and went to the oven, trailing a hand along his shoulders as she passed him.

They had almost finished eating before Grace brought up the subject of Celine again. She said, "I've lost boyfriends that way, you know, holding out on them so that they disappear the first time they find they can get what they want elsewhere. I almost feel bad about making them wait so long - but I have to know it's for real, y'know? I have a child."

"Of course," said Roland.

"It's not that I don't want to."

"Um… isn't it?"

"No. I was always sorry when they left, most of them after only a couple of weeks. I'm human too. _I _couldn't wait forever."

"Oh, well… no."

"But it never really mattered that much. They weren't anything special. I, um… I'm really glad you said no to that Celine woman."

Roland didn't know what to say. Then Grace stood up, walked round to his side of the table and climbed into his lap, which had to be a bit of a strain on the standard issue wooden chair, but it seemed to hold up all right.

"I want you to know," she said, "that I would have suggested we do this anyway, even if you _hadn't_ told me you turned down another woman."

"Do, um… do what?" asked Roland.

"Roland, come on, do you really want me to make one of those crude dessert jokes?"

"No," he managed to squeak in reply.

"It'd probably make you even more nervous, huh?"

"Nnngh."

"_Please_ try to relax."

He did try to relax as she kissed him in a way that wasn't quite like any kiss they had had before. It was wonderful and terrifying all at the same time… just like it was supposed to be. Relaxing was hard work, especially as _she_ didn't seem to be nervous at all.

"I'm nervous too, you know," she said. Wow. She was a mind reader! "I haven't… you know… since Spence. It must have been about nine years."

She called it "you know". Roland thought briefly of how Celine might have phrased such a proposition… but then within moments, she was forgotten.

THE END


End file.
